National Appreciation Day
by mandymld
Summary: Sirius gets ahold of a muggle calendar after the defeat of the Dark Wanker Harry's 4th year. Chaos is created at Hogwarts Harry's 5th year. These chapters can be stand alone or read as a continuous story. First up, September 1st, National Lazy Mom's Day. Oh, and you guessed it, poor Snape bears the brunt of his nonsense and Harry and Hermione, well they try to control his insanity.
1. Chapter 1: National Lazy Mom's Day

A/N: I recently found my missing thumb drives and this was the very first story on the first one. I have my notes back for my various stories and updates for others and even better all my research and notes about things like spells and such. Anyhow, I have decided to start with the oldest drive and work my way to clearing them by posting updates and such as I come to them.

This is the first story on my thumb drive. It was one of those to be placed in my Dust Bunnies area until I realized that I have about six or seven chapters alraedy done and this is pretty much a stand alone story. Here in the states, there are several idiotic made up holidays like Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yes, I am serious, there is a day to celebrate talking like a pirate. Johnny Depp must be thrilled. Anyhow, I wrote a few one shots using Sirius because I can't picture anyone other than the twins taking pleasure in such odd celebrations.

Chapter One: Lazy Mom's Day, September 1st 

Harry, Hermione and Ron were entering the Hogwarts Express from the muggle side of Kings Cross Station; waving to his godfather from the window once they had chosen a compartment, Harry watched as he spoke to the Weasley parents then moved towards Amelia Bones to speak to his former partner.

It was the beginning of their fifth year, after a very eventful fourth year and summer. Harry had ended up in the TriWizard Tournament in spite of not entering himself, had to fly to escape a dragon he had had to face, had dived in the Black Lake to rescue Hermione, then to his everlasting horror had had to dance in public.

To make matters worse, he had unfortunately abandoned his date Parvati Patil when he had seen the traitorous rat Wormtail AKA Peter Pettigrew in a corner heading towards the office of the newest Defense Against Dark Arts teacher, Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody and followed him.

He had overheard that it hadn't been the real Mad-Eye; he had pulled out his invisibility cloak and awaited the rat to exit by the One-Eyed Witch. The rat had done exactly as expected and tried to leave the castle through the old Marauders tunnel. 

Harry had caught him then instead of contacting the Headmaster, he had placed Wormtail in an unbreakable cage then contacted Remus Lupin via Hedwig. He had then sent a message to Amelia Bones, the ex-partner of Moody himself via an anonymous school owl. 

Remus had come to Hogwarts the very next morning through the same tunnel with a certain large black grim. The two had verified that it was Peter then had hidden under the cloak while he met Amelia who had been rather puzzled by the message that had supposedly come from Mad-Eye via the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry had explained what he had overheard and when she had asked why he hadn't told the Headmaster, he had looked at her then been very honest. 

"I am mad at him. He could have gotten me out of the tournament and didn't. Now, do you believe me?" He asked.

She looked at the rat then at the teenage boy then at the rat again. After what felt like hours but in reality was mere seconds, she said "I don't want to but, yes. Where is the real Moody?"

Harry grimaced then said "I don't know. I just know that Peter called the man Barty." 

"Regarding what you told me about Fudge..." The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement trailed off then said "I do believe you about what he did last year. I have been looking for the file regarding Mr. Black and haven't been able to locate them. I have a way around him but have to ask... why do I think you are in contact with a certain fugitive?"

Harry didn't reply, he had merely stood and walked towards the door. Looking at the austere looking woman, he said: "Would you answer that question if you were me?"

With that, he hoped that he was right as he exited the room hoping that whatever Remus and Sirius overheard helped free his godfather. In the small anteroom, Amelia Bones looked at the caged rat then said: "Well, Mr. Pettigrew, I rather think that it is time to give an innocent man his life back."

A week later, Harry was seated next to Hermione in the Great Hall when a flock of owls flew in carrying the Daily Prophet. After a whole semester of being the target, Harry winced at receiving his copy but that ended when he saw the headline. "SIRIUS BLACK DECLARED INNOCENT."

Harry looked towards Hermione then towards the professor's table. He saw the Headmaster looking his way then hurry out of the hall towards his office. He saw the other professors were all eagerly reading the paper, all except the tall dark-haired professor at the end of the table.

He stood so quickly that his chair slammed to the stone floor as he quickly exited. Harry scanned the main article and quickly moved on to the smaller one announcing that Fudge and the Wizengamot had agreed to open the Potter will and had turned over custody of Harry to his godfather.

By the end of the month, Harry was out of the tournament, Peter had ratted out his master and Barty had been kissed by a dementor that Fudge had brought to the castle with him. The baby mutant version of Voldemort had been put through the Death Veil in the Department of Mysteries.

Harry had been thrilled when his godfather had taken him home for the Easter holiday and shown him their new home for the summer and hopefully for the future. A summer that had been spent getting to know his godfather and to a lesser extent Remus Lupin who had traveled to visit them occasionally but who had primarily been kept busy helping Amelia Bones and the ministry with issues resulting from the capture of Voldemort.

Tomorrow he was returning to Hogwarts as the newest Charms professor as Flitwick had moved over to the Defense Against Dark Arts position during a restructuring of the school. 

Binn was let go by popular demand and a new professor was brought in, not that she was particularly popular. Delores Umbridge was hired by the Headmaster against the wishes of almost the rest of the staff. Sybil Trelawney was to finish out with her current youngest year students, but anyone who had wished had been allowed to change classes.

Harry to his own embarrassment had soon learned what it meant to have a caring guardian as he found himself now taking Runes after an intense summer spent getting up to the right level with his godfather. Sirius had not been pleased to learn how Harry had chosen his supplemental classes, and when Ron had learned that Harry was leaving, he had also done so and was now taking Muggle Studies with the third years. 

Now seated as the train began to pull out of the station, Harry looked over at his friends and grinned. His eventful summer had included time spent with both of them and he had found himself enjoying going to the Burrow but had loved leaving to go home to a place to call his own.

Spending time with Hermione had been a revelation, while she had had the same intensity regarding summer studies, it had been paired with an eagerness to show him everything he had missed by being raised by the Dursleys. They had spent the summer at muggle amusement parks, museums, not only of art, but even old cars and science. Those had been interesting for the boy who had never really been allowed to live, but even more so for his godfather whose curiosity had landed them in hot water more than once. 

They had been escorted out from one particular museum after having a laughing fit watching Sirius who had placed his hand on an electricity machine struggling to get his hair back in place had tripped over a different exhibit then had accidentally pulled down a rather comely female docent on top of himself. He had claimed innocence and after a few questions, Hermione had been convinced which had set them off on a laughing fit this time seated on the steps of the science museum.

There had been trips to movie theaters, every single different type of restaurant that they could find, including KFC which had also had them kicked out after Sirius had offhandedly mentioned that Harry's father had once compared the Order of the Phoenix to the fast food place. His explanation had set them off and the staff had been convinced they were making fun of them so they had kicked them out.

A trip to the ocean had been a bit awkward as Harry had suddenly realized his body was reacting to his best friend wearing a bikini and he had refused to leave the water. That awkwardness had gotten even worse when his godfather had figured out the problem and had had a talk with Harry that evening that even now remembering had the teenager wishing he could oblivate himself.

"Harry?" Tuning back into the conversation in the train compartment, Harry realized that Hermione was glaring at Ron who had been saying his name. "What do you think?"

"About?" Harry asked wearing a slightly sheepish expression as he explained he had been thinking about all that had changed since the beginning of last year.

"Ron was saying that because you are prefect this year it means he can get away with not getting caught out after curfew," Hermione replied. "Plus he thinks it is an easy way of gaining possession of banned items."

"Sorry mate but I promised my godfather to do my best to tow the line, you know that the Headmaster is still trying to get my guardianship transferred back to the Dursleys." Harry announced regretfully. 

Ron glared at his two closest friends then crossing his arms, stared out the window the reddish tinge on his ears showing how upset he was at Harry not agreeing with his plan. Things between the two had been different since Ron had turned on him the year before. They were still good friends but Harry no longer let Ron lead him, he spoke his mind.

"Besides, it is wrong," Hermione said with an icy look Harry's way for not mentioning that when telling Ron why he wouldn't be going along with his plan. "So, did you hear who the other prefects are yet?"

Harry frowned then said: "I saw Neville when his grandmother met with Sirius and he mentioned that Susan Bones and Justin Finch-Fletchley are the Hufflepuff prefects." 

"You just know that Snape is going to make Malfoy a prefect," Ron muttered. "If there is anyone that needs Hermione's little lecture, it's him, not us."

"Ronald, if you would just once-." Hermione saw Harry nodding no and went silent in spite of wanting to keep arguing with the red head.

Harry stopped their argument by turning the conversation to Quidditch. "Katie Bell is Quidditch captain for Gryffindor, but no one knows the others. I am sure that Cedric will be the Hufflepuff captain but I heard from Terry Boot that Flitwick stripped Cho Chang of her prefect badge and position on the team at the end of the year."

"Yes, I heard that too," Hermione replied. 

"Ginny said that Chang and Edgecomb both were in trouble with ole Flitwick at the end of the year over something with Looney Lovegood," Ron replied. 

"Who?" Harry asked.

"You know that strange girl in Ravenclaw who is always dressed so odd. She lives near us and is weird." Ron replied. "Ginny used to be friendly with her but Mom didn't approve of her dad so she put a stop to it."

Hermione recalled a thin blond girl who was often in the library wearing odd shoes and looking bedraggled who would quickly leave when certain members of her own house would sit at the same table. She felt a bit surprised to realize that she had totally ignored what had been happening in spite knowing the signs of bullying. She saw the same look on Harry's face.

"I'm glad that Flitwick did something about it," Harry replied. "If you saw it, why didn't you say something?" 

"It's only Looney." Ron said with a shrug as he sat back and pulled out his chest set. "Want to play, mate?"

"We have to head to the prefect's compartment." Harry said with a hint of regret in his tone knowing that Ron was right regarding Malfoy. "Maybe when I get back."

"Sure." Ron said in a tight tone of voice. He hadn't wanted to do the work of being prefect but still felt odd that Harry had something else that he didn't. That didn't last long as Lavender Brown joined him in their compartment and by the end of the half hour, he was agreeing to go to Hogsmead with her on their first weekend to do so.

In the prefect's compartment, the head boy was to their surprise Cedric Diggory and the head girl was their very own Angelina Johnson. After a brief summary of their summers, they were soon joined by Susan and Justin as well as the upper year Hufflepuffs. 

A few minutes later, the upper-level Slytherins arrived and didn't look too happy with seeing Harry there as they settled quietly into their seats. When a blond vaguely familiar girl entered wearing Slytherin green, Hermione leaned over and whispered to Harry that she was Daphne Greengrass.

The Ravenclaws entered as a group and nodded at Diggory and Johnson while Padma and Terry greeted Hermione and Harry.

Cedric looked at the Slytherins and asked: "Where is the male fifth-year prefect?" 

Daphne looked a bit uneasy as the older Slytherin, a girl named Octavia said "Mr. Nott was hexed earlier and was sent on to the school with Madam Pomfrey."

"How did he get hexed?" Angelina asked. There was a silent meeting of the eyes between the Slytherins then a resigned Octavia said: "I guess I have to tell you but normally we keep this stuff in house, but Draco Malfoy saw that Theo was wearing the badge and hexed him." 

Harry didn't laugh but wanted to. 

"Did someone report Malfoy yet?" Cedric asked frowning as he realized that the blond git would be a pain he would have to deal with all year, especially since Potter was a prefect and he wasn't.

"Yes, I sent an owl to Professor Snape." Octavia said. "A portkey arrived and Malfoy was sent on to Hogwarts for him to deal with."

After being assigned patrols of the train, Harry and Hermione were walking back to their compartment with Angelina when they saw Ron in a compartment with several Ravenclaws playing chess.

"Hey mate." Ron said from where he was wiping Michael Corner off the boards. "Corner offered me a game, hope you don't mind."

"No problems." Harry replied then said "Hermione and I have to patrol the train anyhow. We got the first rotation."

Ron's attention was back onto the game and Hermione nudged Harry and pointed out the rather nauseating expression on a watching Lavender Brown's face before they exited the compartment. "Do you think she likes Ron?"

Giggling, Hermione said: "I hope so; otherwise she ate some very bad fish for lunch."

The duo finished their patrol greeting classmates, housemates and friends as they did. Seeing Ginny flirting with Seamus had Harry smirking when he saw Dean didn't seem to happy about it. Neville greeted them and showed them his new wand. "I broke my old one the day we were at the ministry for Lestrange's trial."

The next compartment contained Crabbe and Goyle who looked lost without Malfoy to tell them what to do. They were seated next to one another looking out the window with no one else sharing their space.

After they let Cedric know that they were done, they returned to their empty compartment and Harry resized his trunk and pulled out his present from his godfather. "I promised Sirius I would open this once we were done with our first patrol."

Hermione pulled out a book and placed it in her lap while watching as Harry used his new all-purpose knife. A knife that this being the magical world really was all purpose, there was very little that it couldn't do. When he had cut the tied strings, Harry unfolded the brown paper covered in his family crest and found a mirror. "What on earth?" 

"Maybe he wants you to brush your hair?" Hermione asked with a giggle.

Reaching up to try and smooth his rather wild hair down, he said: "I doubt it, Sirius knows my hair is beyond help."

"Hello? Did I hear my name?" The two prefects looked down in shock at the mirror and soon saw the man in question. "Did you figure it out?"

"Harry!" Hermione all but was shouting as she said: "Do you know what these mirrors do?"

"My guess is that they act like phones and let me talk to Sirius." He replied dryly. "Sirius?"

"Your dad and I created these for when we had been given detentions by different teachers." The ex-prisoner explained. "To call me, just say my name. It works both ways, when you say my name it buzzes, you then activate it with the same phrase as the map."

"Does it let you call anyone else?" Hermione asked as she moved to sit next to Harry so that she could see Sirius as well as hear him.

"No, there were only two mirrors. If you wish to work on increasing that number, I will give you the runes and charms that we used." Sirius replied. "So, how are things?"

"Fine. Cedric is head boy and Angelina from Gryffindor is head girl. The odd thing is that Snape didn't choose Malfoy for Slytherin." Harry said telling his godfather what had happened.

"Not so much of a shock. He wished to but since he is his godfather, the Board of Governors made him change it to another kid who had better grades and less detentions." Sirius replied. Seeing Harry's annoyance at not knowing this, he said "Thems the breaks, Pup. I can't always tell you what goes on in those meetings."

"That's okay, but Malfoy is going to be a total git, even more than usual and we both know that Snape will be out for my badge." Harry grumbled.

"Trust me when I say that it won't be a problem." Sirius said with a wink. Harry heard someone calling out Sirius name and the older wizard turned then said to Harry. "I have got to go, now if you will excuse me, I have to go spend the rest of the day celebrating National Lazy Mom's day."

"But Sirius you aren't a mom." Hermione protested, not even mentioning that his holiday didn't exist.

"Really?" He inquired with a smirk. "I am no Lily but I do the same job that mom's do. I remind Harry to brush his hair, clean his teeth and his room and even go clothes shopping with him. To me, that makes me his mom, unless...unless, pup, do you see Remus as the Mum?"

Harry laughed and said: "I wouldn't let him hear you saying that, Sirius."

"Dobby?" Harry laughed even harder at that suggest.

"Then Ms. Granger, I guess I am right. Now, I am going to spend the rest of my special day doing what all moms do." He stopped for a moment and then looking at Hermione asked. "What does your mom do when she isn't with you?"

"Drill people's teeth to correct their cavities." she said wearing as straight a face as she could.

Sirius' face lit up in a way that had Hermione shuddering as she hastily added: "That is when she is at work, on her days off work, she..." 

She had to stop of a somewhat benign event her mom went to that Sirius would never be interested in and then hastily said: "Sometimes she goes to spas on her days off." 

"Caio, Pup. Sirius out."

The mirror went back to being a simple mirror and Hermione gulped and looking at Harry said: "Why are there chill bumps on my arm?"

"I don't know, maybe because you might have just unleashed an unsupervised Sirius Black onto innocent humans." He replied then burying his head in his hands, he said "I only hope...

"Yes?" Hermione prompted when Harry stopped speaking.

"I just have a bad feeling about this." He replied.

Later that evening when they arrived at Hogwarts, the two asked Ron to hold spots in the carriages for them as they helped gather the first years for their boat ride across the Black Lake to the castle.

Hagrid grinned at them and called out to Harry and Hermione before guiding his charges across the lake.

Joining Ron, Harry quickly filled him in on the news regarding Malfoy and the gleeful expression on Ron's face at the idea of the blond being in trouble had Hermione sighing as she at least realized that Malfoy would torment Ron with the fact that he also wasn't a prefect.

Entering the castle and seating themselves on the other side of the second years to where the incoming firsties would sit, they noticed an odd buzz to the air and that the Headmaster looked torn between anger and amusement.

"Wonder what is going on with ole Dumbledore." Ron asked as he seated himself next to Neville and across from Hermione.

"No idea, but according to Sir Nick, Peeves was chasing our new History professor around the courtyard earlier." Neville replied. Seeing their surprise at his already knowing what was going on, he shrugged and said: "He greeted our carriage when we arrived."

Professor McGonagall entered followed by the first years and when they were sorted and seated, Harry couldn't help thinking that they looked really really small. There were five girls and four boys in their year who quickly settled in and were getting to know each other when the Headmaster stood to speak.

"Now that our first years have joined us, I have great pleasure in filling all of you in on our wonderful changes this year." He said. Harry wanted to scoff at his pretend happiness, he was well aware that the Board and the Ministry were forcing him to agree to changes that he hadn't wanted to take due to what had gone in the past several years.

"As you may have heard, our Divination Professor, Sybil Trelawney is preparing for a sabbatical and will be wrapping up her duties over the next three years. Please give her a hand as she moves towards her long abated wishes to write."

"She looks thrilled, I think that even Snape looks more excited than she is." Neville whispered as he along with the rest of the students politely clapped for the woman who often predicted Harry's untimely death. Harry looked over at his potions professor and saw that the man seemed to be in a towering rage about something. Hopefully, it wasn't anything in connection to himself. 

"Now, to add to our excitement, after a team of Goblins removed the rumored curse on the Defense Against Dark Arts position our Head of Ravenclaw and longtime Charms professor is taking over that position. To those who are unaware Professor Flitwick is a five-time International Dueling Champion."

This was greeted with a much warmer applause which was thunderous from the Ravens. "Some of our older students might remember Professor Lupin from his year spent teaching that very class, he is now our newest Charms professor."

"Why didn't they just give him the DADA job, he was the best teacher we had." Neville asked.

"Some felt that it was better to keep him away from the Dark arts considering his affliction." Fred Weasley said as he slid in as he moved closer to their group from his previous spot. His twin sat on Ron's side.

"That is just..." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I am surprised they brought him back at all." Dean said from where he was seated. Seeing the glares coming his way, he held up his hand. "I am just saying that the Ministry isn't exactly known for doing what is right."

"Amelia Bones and Cedric's dad put in a good word for him." Neville said. "My grams did as well and he is best friends with Harry's godfather so..."

"So nepotism at it's best, huh Potter?" The annoying voice from the nearby table had Harry rolling his eyes then turning to look at Malfoy whose face turned puce when he saw the P on his robes. "Of course, you would get it. Just wait until my father hears that you of all people were made a prefect."

Hermione hissed for Harry to ignore him which he did, turning his back on the git when he saw that Fred was watching the blond just in case. As he did he heard the Headmaster announcing the newest History professor and had to hide his need to snicker.

He had meet Delores Umbridge who had been fired from her position in the Ministry at the beginning of summer and couldn't help noticing how much she looked like a toad in spite of the frothy pink sweater and bow she wore. The woman started to stand as if to speak but no words came out of her mouth when she did so, so she quickly sat down and glared at the others seated nearby, especially Remus who she loathed for being a werewolf. 

Dumbledore was about to do his usual trick to bring the food to the table when the great doors were flung open in a repeat of the previous year. Harry heard Ron groan at the delay of the food while he himself groaned when he saw who was entering.

"Harry, why is Sirius here?" Hermione was asking in a worried tone that changed to puzzled as she added "What is up with his hair?"

"What hair?" Fred inquired as he took in the man he had seen at Kings Cross with long hair and a mustache and now had hair whose length was about at his shoulders and no mustache. "He looks odd."

"Did you see who is with him?" Neville whispered. Harry saw Fudge and Bones along with two people he didn't know.

"Sorry for the delay, Albus." Sirius said as he and his entourage arrived at the Head table. He then greeted the various staff members even being polite to Snape which worried both Hermione and Harry who know better.

"I was unaware that there was a delay." Albus replied. "So no apology is necessary, Mr. Black. May I inquire what brings you to Hogwarts this evening."

"That would be our doing." Cornelius Fudge announced then handed the Headmaster a scroll. "I rather fear that the father of one of your students expressed concern for the lack of security and the weakness of the wards. As we were already working on a plan, it was merely a matter of meeting with the Board of Governors and with a flick of a wand, we have solved your problem."

"I was unaware that I had a problem." Albus politely said. "Maybe you could stop in tomorrow morning and we could speak on this issue as the students are awaiting their evening meal."

"We will join you, but really, there is no need to speak about this. As I mentioned we already solved the problem and Mr. Black was very accommodating to my request to serve the Ministry in this capacity." Fudge stated.

"Perhaps we can adjourn this for now." Albus stated yet again.

"No, no, it's not a problem, Albus. Now, here is the scroll authorizing Sirius to act as the Ministries adjutant and security adviser regarding Hogwarts. As he is already on the Board of Governors, we felt that there would be no conflict of interest. " Fudge responded.

The Headmaster sounded like he was choking when he repeated "Security adviser."

"Yes, yes, after the issues the last four years and considering his rather vast knowledge and know how regarding the wards and how to get by them the Ministry feels he is the perfect wizard to inspect the school and help rectify it's issues both regarding security and well, to be honest the problems regarding the safety of the students in all matters."

Harry saw that Snape was glaring at his godfather as if trying to use his gaze to kill him and that even Remus looked puzzled until Amelia Bones added her own statement.

"Yes, the father of Mr. Malfoy expressed concern regarding recent issues and well, he offered to donate his own time to solving the problems but given Mr. Black's well documented escape and how he was able to move about the school a few years ago without being seen that he would be the best to provide the knowledge to solve the problem."

Albus capitulated, as he realized Sirius was the lesser of two evils. He did not wish to have Lucius Malfoy getting a toe hold back into HIS school. Graciously inviting the former prisoner to join them for dinner, he was clearly a taken back when Fudge took that as an offer to the entire group.

Harry was dying to talk to his godfather to find out what was going on but that quickly changed to wishing to bury his head in his hands when his godfather rather loudly greeted his fellow Marauder with.

"Hey Moony, would you happen to know how to transfigure this here spoon into a drill." Sirius eagerly asked.

"What is a drill?" When Harry heard Lupin's reply, he realized that his godfather had used a sonarous charm so that the whole Great Hall could hear what he was saying then it went silent so that the students couldn't hear but it was rather clear that the professors could.

"It's something that muggles like Hermione's mom uses on teeth. I tried the spa day thing. I am not sure what they did to my hair, but you won't believe what they charged me for it before tossing me out of the building."

"Why would they do that?" Lupin asked in a resigned tone as he looked out to where Harry was clearly cringing.

"Well there was this man who told me he was a stylist, then he tried to put this smelly stuff on my hair that made it look like Snape's." He answered. "Why would I spend a fortune on hair care if I wanted my hair to look like that, I mean, it would be cheaper to not wash it like Snape does. By the way, did you know that Harry thinks of you as the Mom in this arrangement, so I wondering..."

Lupin heard the sound of a chair crashing and looked up to see Snape storming out of the Great Hall and heard Flitwick saying oh dear, the that is the fifth chair broken since Black was found innocent.

"Padfoot, behave." He warned.

Sirius looked at his watch then over at Albus who was shaking his head in disappointment at him. Winking at the old man he turned to Amelia Bones and said "You owe me two galleons, it didn't even take the five minutes I said it would."

Remus waited until Sirius had received his galleons then handed them back to Madam Bones telling the woman to put them in the account towards any future fines he might incur to ask. "Seriously? Sirius."

"Now Moony, don't be jealous. I put funds in an account towards bail and fines for you too. After all, what would I do without you? So, can you?"

Moony looked at his oldest friend and knowing he was going to regret it asked. "Can I what?"

"Use this spoon to make a drill." Sirius inquired holding up a soup spoon.

"Sirius, I don't even know what a drill is." He replied then seeing Sirius pointing towards Hermione Granger, he added "And I am not going to ask Ms. Granger. How about you be seri-er, answer my question regarding what happened to your hair?"

"I told you I went to a spa like Hermione suggested to celebrate National Lazy Mom's day." He said and stopped speaking, knowing that Remus wouldn't be able to resist asking.

The werewolf just played straight man for the joker and did as he was prompted. "Okay, Sirius, I will play. Just what is National Lazy Mom's day and why are you of all people celebrating it?"

"Well, Moony, I am so glad you asked." Sirius said beaming his thousand watt smile at Remus and sending shudders through Severus Snape even if he wasn't there to see it. "National Lazy Mom's Day is a celebration for the day that your children go back to school. Now, since Harry didn't think you would like to be the mom, that meant I had to celebrate."

"And this need to transfigure your spoon into a drill?" He asked.

"Hermione said that her mother spends her time away from Hermione either going to a spa, which really is a rather odd place. I was the only male customer, can you believe it. Anyhow the other option is using a drill on people's teeth. Apparently it relaxes her."

"Mr. Black why would you use a drill on teeth?" Sirius was asked by Aurora Sinestra from her spot next to McGonagall who was staring at Sirius as if torn between fascination and terror.

"Do you know what a drill is?" He happily inquired of the professor even if she was wearing green trim that indicated a former Slytherin.

"It's something that muggles use to create holes." Charity Burbage stated knowledgeably. "They would not use it on muggle teeth."

"Charity, do you really think someone like Ms. Granger would make a mistake like that?" Flitwick asked doubtfully. "I am rather sure that Mr. Black heard her wrong."

"No, that is what she said that her mother uses drills on people's teeth." Sirius replied and the blond trying to exit the hall through the same door as his godfather stopped to eavesdrop as the wizard explained that he had done some checking and found out that dentists were apparently very feared in the muggle world.

There were some frowns then most of the staff turned to look at the young muggleborn student who was whispering to Harry and missed their stares. The others at the Gryffindor table didn't and told the duo quietly speaking what they could see.

Hermione looked up and saw that they were staring at the group and looked at Harry with pity in her eyes said "What do you think he has done now?"

"I don't know but with the way they are looking this way, it doesn't look like this year will be anymore peaceful than the ones preceding it." Harry replied in a resigned tone.

"You know, it looks like they are looking at Hermione, not you, Harry." George replied after a few minutes of watching the professors. When those looks changed from quizzical to horror, he said "No, I must have been wrong. It's only Harry that ever gets those looks."

Ron noticed that the table behind them was missing a certain blond git and after looking around the room said "Malfoy is gone."

"Yeah, I saw him speaking to Warrington awhile ago." Fred replied. "He just left by the side door near the professor's table."

Downstairs in the dungeon, Draco Malfoy knocked on his godfather's door and was soon let into his quarters. "Draco, I don't have time or the inclination to deal with your foolishness right now. So unless it is important, I suggest that you let it go until tomorrow."

When the blond didn't say anything, Snape looked over at the boy and said "I spoke to your father about your regrettable lapse in judgment on the train and he has agreed to cede to my suggestion of punishment."

The blond merely stood there as he outlined the rather harsh punishment being meted out without even protesting which had Snape looking at the boy then saying "Finite Incantum."

Draco still didn't speak, he merely sank onto the dark green fabric sofa and after several more minutes of thought interrupted his godfather to ask. "What is a drill?"

"Draco, I don't have time for nonsense." He sharply stated.

"It's something muggle, I know that but what is it?"

"It's a muggle tool with a sharp edge that they use at very high speeds to create holes in things." He answered after counting to ten. "Why?"

"Nothing." Draco hastily replied suddenly deciding that for now, he would be careful and gather more information, for now he would be careful about not pissing off the mudblood. He had had no idea, but he should have, after all she had broken his nose three years earlier...

"Draco, if there is nothing else go to your dorm and get ready for inspection." Snape replied and when his godson was exiting, he knew he would regret it but asked. "Are you sure you don't wish to tell me what is going on in your head?"

"No, there is nothing." Snape couldn't help thinking truer words were never spoken until Draco stopped again and turned to say "But-."

"Well is it true that muggles use those drill things are teeth?" He asked.

Blinking at the odd turn, Severus said "Do I look like I would know, now why?"

Draco looked at his godfather then said "That's weird, that is what Sirius Black said."

"What did that moron Black say?"

"He was telling that werewolf that he wanted him to transfigure a spoon into one of those drill things to use to on your teeth. If you want my memory of it so that you can get him fired, I will give it to you."

"What exactly did Black say?" Snape said seething as Draco explained that Black had preceded to insult him and his teeth saying that he would make Snape his first victim once he was a dentist.

Draco went silent while Snape who had spent time in the muggle world realized exactly how he was being insulted. Looking at his godson, he said "That won't be necessary."

"But is everything he said about drills true? That they are used on teeth to drill holes?"

Not wanting to get into a long drawn out explanation with his godson, Snape quickly answered yes and sent him on his way. By the time he arrived for his inspection of the trunks in Slytherin, Draco had managed to warn his classmates about Granger and how her mother was someone who tortured people and took money for it.

Since no self-respecting Slytherin would ever be seen in Muggle studies, Draco's rather complicated and exaggerated lurid tale has the entire house of snakes vowing to either avoid the fifth year mudblood or sending letters to their parents about how a mere muggle was into torture or both.

Either way the result was that over the next several weeks, Hermione Granger found herself rather surprised to not hear one single Snake insult her and in one rather memorable occasion, had been ran into by Draco himself who had stuttered an apology and had run the opposite way.

Harry who had been with her stood there slack jawed watching as the blond git ran so fast he was nothing more than a black and green blur. "What on earth was that about?"

"I don't know, but I do know that I like it." Hermione replied with a laugh as she hooked her arm through Harry's as they meandered towards the Great Hall for Lunch. "What is Sirius celebrating today?"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2: National Write A Letter Day

**National Appreciation Day**

**Chapter Two:**  
 **September 2rd**

 **Write a Letter Day**

Sirius Black awoke from a deep sleep and stretching his arms out, grabbed his wand to light up his room in Hogwarts castle. The night before he had used his own special ability to create chaos out of calm to get himself assigned to the position of High Inquisitor of Hogwarts on behalf of the Ministry. He doubted that Albus Dumbledore himself had realized just what that meant after the mayhem he had created at the head table the evening before.

Still, he winced as he realized he would have to explain to Harry what he was doing there and his doubts about the actions of the Headmaster. Thankfully his small visits with that moron Fudge had paid huge dividends after Lucius Malfoy had shown up the day before supposedly upset about the weakness of the wards, but in truth, the man's ego had taken a blow when Augusta Longbottom and he had prevented his offspring from getting the appointment to the Slytherin prefect position.

Looking at the watch Harry had given to him as a present that summer, he grimaced when he realized that it was barely five am but he had an early morning appointment with several goblins who were coming to deal with the basilisk in Chamber of Secrets. When Harry had told him about his adventure, he had been so furious it had taken everything in him to stop himself from hexing every single adult in the building at the time.

He HAD spoken to the Headmaster and Arthur Weasley about the situation. Albus had agreed that it was rather regrettable that it had been only Harry and his friends who had figured it out but had used that he had not been at the school and that it was in the past to attempt to sweep it under the rug. Well, the Headmaster was in for a huge surprise because while Sirius wasn't a Black in regards to his pureblood beliefs but he was in regards to protecting what he considered his and Harry, well even if he didn't know it was his heir. 

Resting his head back on his pillow, Sirius frowned as he thought about his conversation with Arthur regarding his daughter and how after straightening out some confusion where the older man had seemed to think that Sirius wished to use the life debt to betroth his daughter to Harry he had made it pretty clear that he was unhappy about how several of Harry's adventures had been the result of ill thought out moves by the Weasley family.

When Arthur had tried to turn it onto Harry and had pointed out that trouble seemed to be attracted to his godson, Sirius had picked apart his reasoning.

He had pointed out that Hermione Granger would not have been in the bathroom and attacked by a troll if Ron hadn't insulted the young muggleborn. That second year, his son had had the idea of flying that Ford Angila, yes the house elf had blocked the passageway but why had they been taking the Muggle way to get to Hogwarts and not the Floo like most wizards. He had then pointed out to Arthur that it had been he himself who had illegally altered the muggle vehicle. 

His final statement had stopped Arthur in his tracks when he had pointed out that his daughter should have never have fallen for Riddle's tricks in the diary if she had been taught before school about such things like most young witches and wizards.

Arthur had claimed she had been taught not to trust anything where you couldn't see it's brain and Sirius had quietly asked then why had she been drawn in by the diary and Riddle. When Sirius had asked if he had talked to his daughter about the incident since or had gotten her any kind of professional help for being possessed by Riddle, the older wizard said that they hadn't had the money.

Sirius still felt bad about pointing out that maybe it would have been better to use the windfall from winning the Daily Prophet contest for that and saving the rest for a rainy day than wasting it on a trip Egypt but he knew that it needed to be said.

He liked Arthur, he really did but the wizard had very little common sense and Sirius couldn't help feeling that Arthur and more so his wife Molly had been interfering in his summer with Harry. He had been furious when he had found out that they had been reporting to the Headmaster everything that Ron had been told about their summer. Still, the kids were okay, a bit rash and undisciplined, but they were okay. 

Exiting his quarters to meet the Goblins in the front hall, Sirius was a bit early so he began to plot out what holiday he would next celebrate to cover for the changes that were necessary to pull Hogwarts into the light.

He had found one calendar in the muggle book store that celebrated the second of September as National Write a Letter day, so he intended to announce that at breakfast and require each student to write a letter home or to someone else.

Hearing the sound of boots on the cobblestone, he greeted the Goblin in charge and soon was directing them to the girls' lavatory. He had placed an out of order sign there the night before. Handing over the tape of Harry speaking parseltongue and asking for the door to open, he asked: "How will you remove the snake from the Chamber?" 

The Goblin curtly announced, "We have ways of getting past such things." 

Sirius waited until they had entered the bathroom, nodding at the red headed wizard with them, realizing it was yet another Weasley, hopefully, this one had more sense than the others. When they had opened the entrance without a hitch thank to Harry's taped voice speaking parseltongue, he looked at his watch went to knock on the door of his former Head of House. 

"Morning Minnie." He said after she had let him into her quarters. "As per my requirement to inform the staff at Hogwarts of any changes I feel are necessary or to correct any missteps already committed, it is my duty to inform you that there is currently a team of Goblins removing the basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets."

She frowned then said "Sirius, I wish you had spoken to Albus first, he told me that after the diary was destroyed it was impossible to open the chamber back up. Severus was truly disappointed at the thought of all those rare potions ingredients going to waste and all but begged Albus to find a way in." 

"Minerva, the goblins already have the entrance open. All it takes is someone speaking parseltongue which of course Harry does. I taped him saying open for them." He said leaning against her fireplace. He saw her frowning at what he was saying then anger appear. "Albus was too lazy to even think of asking Harry. He believed his answer was right and didn't bother to attempt to find a different way in."

Sirius let that sink in then said "While I hate to please Snape but the goblins are already on their way to the bottom of the Chamber to begin rendering the thing. Tell the greasy git if he wishes to see it, to get the bathroom quick. I have to go inform the Headmaster of his incompetence."

When his former Head of House opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it, looking pensive, he swept out of her quarters and went to ruin the morning of a certain headmaster.

* * *

Minerva, knowing that Sirius would tell Albus and ignore telling Severus decided to go visit the head of Slytherin. Knocking on the man's door, she heard muttering as he opened it and glared at her. "Let me in."

"Why?" He asked as he stepped back. The two of them had a rather strange contentious but respectful relationship, but she had never paid a visit to his quarters in the entire time he had been a professor at Hogwarts.

"Goblins have opened the chamber of secrets on Sirius Black's behalf and you are invited to see the basilisk." She stated. When he stood there still as a statue then repeated what Albus had told them about accessing it, she merely said: "Potter could have opened it, but Albus didn't seem to realize that."

"Didn't realize or wanted to pretend the brat couldn't." Snape sneered. Looking down at his robes, he grimaced then said: "I will be right back." 

Returning mere minutes later dressed in dark heavy pants and a jumper, he was carrying specialized gloves for gathering ingredients. "Did Black say when the Goblins were going to have the ingredients ready for us to store because I will have to prepare a special room for them. My-"

Minerva who was walking in front of Severus as they exited the dungeons turned when she realized that the potions master had stopped speaking only to see no one there. "Severus?"

Returning to the man's quarters, she saw that he wasn't there nor was he in any of the few open rooms between them and the stairs. "What on earth?"

Meanwhile, Sirius who had been about to request an audience with Albus felt a tingling and then found himself standing in a vast stone chamber with about an inch of water covering his feet as a large rubbery leather thing blocked his view. Wondering how the Goblins had brought that with them, he tried to figure out how he landed there. 

Turning to look at the house elf who had popped him there, he saw that it was the very house elf that had appeared in his home insisting that his duty was to serve his Master, the greatest wizard alive, Master Harry Potter.

"Dobby, what is the meaning of this?" He asked a bit surprised at the impetuous elf bringing him down there. When the house elf began to wring his hands and appeared almost at the point of tears, he requested he stop doing harm to himself and tell him what was going on.

"Master Harry's did nots wish to upset his doggy dads and Dobbys felts he was not rights. Dobbys decides that doggy dads needs to sees the truths. Winkys is bringing the hairy one." Dobby said his eyes wide as he pointed to where Lupin had arrived.

Sirius snickered when he saw what his old friend was wearing. Moony was dressed in lounge pants of a rather indeterminate color but this was paired with a t-shirt that said werewolves go all night long. "Do I want to know where that came from?"

When Moony didn't answer other than to point and turn slightly gray, when in fact he looked as if he was about to pass out: Sirius said "Why the dramatics?"

The other wizard turned and gave him an incredulous look and then said "I would have thought you would have been in the same condition, all things considering. Why are you taking this so well?" 

"I knew about it already." He replied. When Moony seemed to be shocked then when the other man's eyes narrowed, he said "All I know about our actual visit here outside of the goblins rendering the basilisk is that Dobby felt we should see it. Why I don't know. It's not as if I didn't already know that Harry risked his life by fac..."

Sirius who had been turning around at the sound of Dobby arguing with what sounded like Snape caught a better glimpse of what he had thought to be a goblin container and began to swear.

Snape whose own eyes were taking in the size of the large snake scoffed "Who is Albus trying to kid, there is no way that Potter killed that thing. No way at all. Ridiculous nonsense."

Lupin was torn between decking Snape for his insulting comments regarding Harry and calming down Sirius, rather afraid that his friend was about to go back to Azkaban, this time for a crime he would commit. This changed when he heard an angry hiss and turned to see Minerva McGonagall who looked rather scary at the moment.

Moving towards the elderly woman as he heard what she was saying, Lupin decided that discretion was sometimes a wise thing as he got out of the way of the woman who was marching forward to where Dobby was standing next to Winky.

Snape and Padfoot both stopped their own rants when they felt the heat of a cutting spell exiting her wand and take off the nose off the large face carved into the wall. The sound of it crashing to the ground was rather nerve racking drawing the attention of even the goblins.

All three wizards turned to hear her cursing, at least they thought it was cursing but since it seemed to be in Scottish Gaelic they weren't exactly sure. The only part that they heard clearly was her order to Winky. "Take me to the Headmaster, immediately."

"Mistress McGonagall, thes heads master be leavings orders nots to be disturbs." She told the elderly woman. "Hoggiewarts Heads Elf heselfs tolds us be carefuls nots to awakens him."

"Disturb? You think I wish to disturb that that sassenfrach!" The trio and by now the Goblins were watching as the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts put on light show as she hexed literally the entire face off of the stone wall as her words became even less comprehensible. It was rather clear that Winky was terrified as she backed away from the enraged witch.

The witch stopped shouting then they heard her quietly calling. "Topsy."

A house elf appeared, this one wearing the colors of Hogwarts. "Yes, Mistress."

"Take me to see that bug bitten sassenfrach, now." The house elf nodded then reaching out for the witch, popped out of view.

"Should we be worried she will really kill him?" Lupin was asking Sirius who seemed thrilled with the idea.

Severus was about to say that there was no possible way that Minerva McGonagall would harm the headmaster, but his eyes lingered on the now destroyed stone face of the founder of his house and the magic pouring off him as a result of the spells the elderly witch had used. He asked "Does she really believe that Potter did what Albus told us because I have to say that it isn't likely."

Lupin stepped in before Padfoot attacked the potions master and turning towards the annoying man said "Yes, I saw the scar on his arm where the fang sank into it. Harry killed that thing, Merlin only knows how, but he did."

Sirius moved towards the goblins and the three wizards that they brought with them and overheard what the red headed apprentice was saying. Hearing confirmation that he was a member of the Weasley family as the tall wizard mentioned how his sister had been in the chamber, he was once again reminded why his godson's life had been in danger.

Turning towards Dobby, he asked "Would you please let my godson know that I will be out of the castle and that when I return I will be speaking to him. First however, would you take me to Gringotts?"

The High Inquisitor looked at the other two wizards and said "Remus, I am going to be speaking to Harry this evening about this. He described the snake as large. When I asked how large, he said big enough,nothing more. He knew he was in trouble and tried to cover up how big this monster was. I have to go speak to the goblins and then the Minister. Snape."

"Wait, before you go." Snape was desperate for answers of when he could expect the potions ingredients for his stores and he would even ask his most loathed rival for answers if that was what it took. "When will the goblins be finished rendering the basilisk, I am going to need time to prepare.

"Prepare what?" Sirius inquired.

"The store room where they will be placed." He replied with a scowl on his face. "Why else would I care about when it will be done?"

Sirius moved closer to the other man and saw that he was completely serious. Sneering at the potions master and in anger, he said "None of this will be remaining at Hogwarts, why would you think it would stay here?"

Snape couldn't believe what he was hearing, of course the basilisk parts would remain at Hogwarts where else would they go, after all Hogwarts owned it. "Where else would they go, after all the basilisk belonged to Hogwarts."

Sirius let out a small low chuckle in spite of his rage regarding the snake and said "No, it doesn't. Harry defeated it, so according to Wizarding and Goblin law, it belongs to him. Now, if you will excuse me, there is a pompous jackass who set this in motion that I need to deal with. If you will excuse me."

Snape refused to accept that he wouldn't be able to get any of the snake parts and reached out to grab Black's arm. "Do you really think that the Headmaster will just allow you to remove any of this? Your arrogance knows no bonds, just like your godson, thinking that you are..."

Sirius placed the tip of his wand against the overly large nose of the taller wizard and said "I don't give a damn what the Headmaster wishes. As the Guardian of the boy who defeated this monster, I am the one making the decisions and if he should make the very large mistake of attempting to emotionally blackmail my godson, he will find that his pet death eater will quickly be replaced here in the castle with the direct orders of the Board of Governors and the pleasure of the Ministry. Do you understand me, Snivellus?"

Snape sneered and was about to pull his own wand when Black moved so close that he was toe to toe with the other wizard and he could feel his breath as he inhaled. "Don't even think about it, Snape, You should know, until you came down here and insulted Harry, I had intended to let Hogwarts have a portion of the snake."

Exiting the chamber, leaving Remus to stare at the snake and Snape to mutter about how Black was stealing valuable ingredients that belong to Hogwarts. The werewolf looked at the dark wizard and said "Hogwarts or yourself, Snape?"

With that, he nodded at the goblin supervising the rendering and exited the chamber with the help of Winky, leaving Snape standing in the inch deep water, staring haplessly as his dream ingredients were rendered and whisked away without his being able to do anything about it.

Sirius forgot all about his plans to deal with Lucius Malfoy after paying a visit to the bank and then the Ministry. Fudge who was sweating bullets after Sirius had shown both Amelia Bones and him the basilisk in a pensive was scared that at some point the younger and more powerful wizard would learn that he had been the one behind the removal of the Headmaster at the behest of Lucius Malfoy unaware that he already knew the whole story because Harry did.

When Black had exited his office, he hastily called in his new secretary, one Percy Weatherby and ordered him to make sure that Lucius Malfoy wasn't allowed in his office. "He is to be told that I am unavailable."

Already mentally placing the blame on his former Undersecretary, Delores Umbridge, Fudge exited the building and hurried to do the bidding of the angry wizard who had gone with Bones to speak with the Hogwarts Board of Governors.

* * *

At Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall was tearing into the Headmaster regarding his lack of common sense when it came to Harry Potter, she had been ranting at him for almost a half hour before he even found out that she had learned that the basilisk was a lot larger than he had ever admitted. By the time she was finished, he had spent so much time trying to defend himself that he never even thought to ask how she had learned the truth.

It was only after lunch when Severus Snape approached him regarding the potential potion ingredients of the basilisk that he even had a hint that goblins had been in his castle without his knowledge. "Headmaster, we must prevent Black from doing this."

"Severus, there is nothing to worry about. No matter how much Mr. Black would like to be able to do what you said he was speaking of, he would still need to access Slytherin's chamber which is impossible at this time."

"Impossible?" Snape snarled. "Impossible, he has ALREADY accessed the chamber with damn Potter's help. The goblins have already begun removing the parts after spending the morning rendering the snake."

"Severus, I rather fear that Mr. Black is pranking you again. I assure you..."

"You are wrong. I was in the chamber, Albus. I saw the basilisk myself." Snape tersely stated. "Black and Lupin were both there along with Minerva. There were several goblins with a few wizard apprentices who were searching the chamber for what else might have been there. I think one was the eldest Weasley boy."

Albus frowned and standing walked from his office and with a brisk pace was soon standing in the middle of Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. The sink was still in place and there was no proof of anyone having been there.

Still, he decided to call for Harry clearly something had happened and he knew that the boy was the weakest link for figuring out what it was. As he returned to his office with the intent of calling for the boy, he groaned as he recalled the order he had had to sign agreeing to only speak to the boy regarding his school work and only in the presence of his guardian.

* * *

Harry who had seen the signs up in the Gryffindor common room was amused at the rather strange note from his godfather telling every single student that on behalf of the Ministry to either write to their parents or himself in honor of National Write A Letter Day. Any student who refused would find themselves serving detention with the Weasley twins without supervision or himself.

There was also a calendar for the Month of September with a list of supposed holidays but that none of them had ever heard of on it.

Hermione after shaking her head and telling Harry that she was a bit concerned about Sirius using the twins as punishment, actually sat down and wrote a letter to her parents then asked Harry who he was going to write his letter to.

Ron had complained, saying that there was no possible way he could fit yet another assignment in as he hadn't done any of his summer homework and it was due starting Monday. He had attempted to ask to copy Harry's homework only to be told that his godfather had all of it.

"Why would he have your homework?" Hermione had asked after offering to look over Ron's work, but refusing to do it for him. The red head had let out a loud put upon sigh then began to do his work.

"I am not sure. I had it last night, but this morning there was a note given to me by Dobby saying that my godfather was holding my homework for ransom and that we would be talking tonight." He replied while frowning at how uncomfortable their favorite sofa was this year. It was almost like it wasn't the same one.

Sitting down next to Hermione and borrowing some paper off Hermione, he pulled out a quill and sat there, trying to figure what to write then noticing the smile on Hermione's face asked "What is going on? What is up with you?"

She said "If we are going to be celebrating fake holidays all year long I have an idea. I will be right back."

With that, she took the short note she had written to her parents and rolled it up then asked if she could borrow Hedwig which Harry agreed to then watched as she stopped to speak to a few people on her way out of the common room.

Harry ended up helping Ron with his homework after the red head complained about her offering to help him then abandoning him. Ron soon had his Defense Against Dark Arts, Transfiguration and Charms homework done and was now working on his first assignment for Muggle Studies. 

"C'mon Harry, I need help." He said frowning as he crumpled up yet another piece of paper and used his wand to levitate it to the trash bin. "I don't know anything about muggles."

"Ron, yes you do. You know that they use cars to get around, you know that they have dentists to fix their teeth and what plugs are thanks to your dad. Don't you ever talk to your dad about his job?" He inquired.

"No, Mom says it isn't any of our concern about muggles." Ron replied. "She doesn't want to talk about such things at the dinner table."

Blinking a bit at that statement, Harry sighed then said "You spent several days with me in a muggle area, Ron. We went to visit Hermione at her dad's office that day, remember? All you are supposed to be telling Professor Burbage is what you have heard about the muggle world."

With a heavy sigh, Ron put his quill to paper and Harry was getting worried about where Hermione was when Dobby appeared and said "Master Harry Potter, your dogsfather is requesting yours joins him please."

"Ron watch out for Hermione, will you. I have to go meet Sirius." Harry said as pulled out the map he had in his pocket and asked to be shown where Sirius Black was. Once he exited through the portrait of the Fat Lady and down the staircase to what seemed like rather elaborate quarters, he knocked on his godfather's door wondering if Sirius would be able to tell him what was going on.

The door opened immediately and Harry was greeted by Sirius in a more adult mode than usual. "Hey Sirius, Dobby said you wished to see me. What is up with taking my homework?"

"We will get to that later. First, have you had any lunch?" When Harry said no, adding that they were waiting for Hermione before going, Sirius suggested that he join him and told Harry to have Dobby pass a message on to the young witch.

When they arrived in the dining room, Harry chuckled when he saw the three large buckets of KFC chicken, sides of potatoes, mac and cheese and coleslaw. "Sirius, the elves would have been happy to feed you."

"Yes, but it is also National Fried Chicken Month." His godfather replied in an attempt to lighten the mood but Harry couldn't help noticing that the normal cheerful glint wasn't in his godfather's eyes. "Remus is joining us.

Harry wandered around the room, looking at the various items from their house that Sirius had brought to Hogwarts with him and noticing the similarity to the sofa from their common room in the tower. Stopping at the strange bowl he didn't recognize on the sofa table, he noticed the runes carved into it and tried to decipher them. 

Sirius was watching his godson examining the pensive he had brought to the castle from the Potter vault. James' father had often used the pensive to deal with whatever mischief that they had gotten up to at Hogwarts. 

Letting in Remus, Sirius suggested that they eat first, then discuss what had been happening that day. Remus nodded, having spent time around James and his father and understanding that Sirius was following the same path with Harry his grandfather had with James.

Sirius lightened the atmosphere by mentioning his letter writing campaign. Harry grinned and said that Hermione had already wrote a note to her parents before going to the library. "And who did you write?"

"Me? But you..." Harry groaned and said "Fine, but I am writing to Remus after all he is also a parental figure." 

Remus wanted nothing to do with Sirius' nutty holiday nonsense, but hearing Harry saying that had him smirking at the animagus. Finishing off the last piece of chicken breast, he asked "So, any dessert?"

After lunch, Harry was guided to the comfort of the sofa, then Sirius withdrew his memory of the basilisk that morning. Placing it in the pensive, he offered to allow his godson to enter first, then when he had joined him, he saw the apprehensive expression on his godson's face and merely asked. "Why?"

Harry gave him a weak half smile then looking over at the dead basilisk didn't bother with pretending not to understand what he was being asked. "I knew you would be pissed." 

"Good." Sirius stated. Looking between the oversized snake and his godson, he said "I do not want you avoiding telling me the truth ever again, even if you know I will be pissed, because yes, I will be angry but it is my job as your godfather to be angry when you end up in danger."

Harry saw the fear in Sirius' eyes and found himself given a tight hug and told he loved Harry before his godfather smacked him on the rear once.

"Okay." Sirius said then escorting his godson out of the pensive sat down on the sofa and looked at him. Reaching out, he gave Harry a tight hug then whispered "I am so very glad you are okay but the sight of that makes me want to hex your bottom like your grandfather used to your father and myself. Be glad all I did was smack it once."

When Harry went to speak, Sirius took the package he had picked up earlier that day and handed it to his godson. "This is a notebook. I know considering what you went through, you might be uncomfortable with the idea, but this is not a punishment."

Seeing the confused look on Harry's face, he said "I want you to begin with when you and your friends started looking into this until you had finished speaking to the Headmaster to write down every single incident that happened that year. I will give you the entire month of September, then we will be speaking again after I have read what you wrote."

Harry could see that there was no escape from the assignment and knew that he didn't really deserve one considering he hadn't really lied but hadn't told the truth either.

"Oh, and I have arranged for Ms. Granger and yourself to be doing home study for History of Magic. The Board of Governors agreed due to an issue with your new professor and myself." He told Harry then looking at Remus asked if he had anything to add while returning Harry's homework that he had had Dobby bring to him the night before. 

Remus shook his head no then told Harry that he agreed with Sirius and that he hoped that Harry knew that in the future, he would always have his godfather and himself to come to.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3: Random Acts of Kindness Day

**A/N:** **The song mentioned later in this chapter is George Clinton's Atomic Dog. You tube the video, it's hilarious.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

 **September 3rd**

 **National Random Acts of Kindness Day**

Early the next morning, Sirius entered the Great Hall, hiding his need to smirk having had several owls from Board Members who had been stunned by his information regarding the large basilisk. Albus had apparently convinced them that it had been a minor incident, in spite of the fact that Fudge had sent an innocent man to Azkaban in order to be seen as doing something. After dinner the night before, Albus had attempted to convince him to allow Hogwarts a small portion of the snake only to be shut down by the former Marauder who found he wasn't even shocked at the man's nerve. 

As Sirius sat down at the table in the front of the room, he saw that there were a larger number of students already there which was strange considering the early time and that it was a Saturday.

The Marauder never saw his godson whispering to his friend Hermione as they were seated. He did see Harry looking up at him and grinned as his godson smiled at him then turned back to his best friend. Sirius could see the whispered conversation looked intense and believed that Harry was telling Hermione about Remus and his discussion with him regarding the basilisk.

"Hermione, you do realize that if Sirius isn't amused and well even if he is, he will take this as a challenge." Harry was saying now a bit worried about his friend. "Plus, he is going to be able to figure it out that you are involved, who else would know that today is National Random Acts of Kindness Day. And I am the only student who has been in his quarters." 

Her unrepentant grin had him in spite of himself grinning back as he thought of the letter she had asked him to write. "Just how many...?"

"Pretty much all of the Puffs, most of the Claws, every single Lion except Ron." She said scowling as she thought about their friend's whining about his hand hurting from all of his homework. "And a few of the Slytherins in our year who I see in Runes and Arithmancy."

Harry did the math in his head and then asked. "Are there enough School Owls for this?"

"Some of the owls are going to deliver multiple letters." Hermione grinned at Harry and added, "Dobby, Winky and a few of the house elves are in the owlery and as the owls return are going to be sending more of the letters." 

As more students arrived in the Great Hall in spite of the early time, Harry chuckled and said: "They are all going to give away that we are pulling a prank because there are never these many students on a Sunday morning."

Harry looked up at the head table and saw that Remus was now seated near Sirius and that his own head of house had entered the hall wearing a slight smile on her face until she glared at the Headmaster. Looking at the other teachers, seeing Snape joining Flitwick had him wincing at how the unpleasant wizard would react to their prank.

Remus had told him how the dark wizard had reacted to the basilisk the day before and Harry reluctantly admitted that he understood his doubting that Harry had done what he had. After all, he himself wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't been there.

"When does the rest happen?" He asked as he tried to figure out how much time to block out in his schedule for her insane plan. He had already begun writing in the journal he had been given by his godfather and was determined to be as truthful as he could remember the events.

"I am not sure. Cedric Diggory was charming the Puffs letters and Davis were doing the Claws. Daphne, Tracy, and Theodore were doing their own and any other snakes who helped and I had the twins help to do all of the Lions since we didn't want your magic on them since he would recognize it." She replied.

The start of the morning owl delivery had Harry taking a large gulp of his pumpkin juice. A few letters arrived for his godfather and the Hedwig delivered the one that was to go to Remus from him.

Then a few more entered the great hall and to the amusement of the students, queued up and lifted their claws to Sirius who seemed puzzled but accepted the letters.

When those ten owls took off, ten more flew in and repeated the process which was now catching the attention of others at the head table and some of the students especially the ones who were in the know.

Sirius smirked but still seemed puzzled as all were addressed to him in a rather formal manner and then when those owls flew off, ten more entered and landed in front of him. By now a few students were laughing even as they accepted their own owl delivery.

Remus gave Sirius an exasperated look and said: "What are you up to now?"

"Honestly, this isn't me," Sirius replied with a small chuckle as the fifth set of owls dived through the window in a straight line and repeated the process. He saw his former head of house shaking her head then leaning over to whisper to Filius Flitwick.

The rest of the professors all seemed to be amused, well except for two, Snape just scowled at him while the sneer on Umbridge's face only made her look even less attractive if that was possible. He saw the Headmaster was eating quickly, clearly trying to avoid the conversation that McGonagall had indicated she wished to have with him.

As he removed the last bit of parchment and the owls flew off, he had just looked up to see if there were anymore when about a third of the parchments seemed to shuffle around together into a house of cards stack in front of him.

Now convinced it was Remus, he rolled his eyes and looked over at his oldest friend and said: "Seriously, you couldn't do a better charm than card stacking?"

Remus was about to deny having anything to do with the prank when he heard one of the songs from an old muggle lp he owned as the various letters all formed lips and out came: 

_Yeah, this is a story of a famous dog_  
 _For the dog that chases its tail will be dizzy_  
 _These are clapping dogs, rhythmic dogs_  
 _Harmonic dogs, house dogs, street dogs_  
 _Dog of the world unite Dancin' dogs Yeah_

 _Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_  
 _Bow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_  
 _Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_  
 _Bow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_

 _Ruff Ruff Ruff_

 _Why must I feel like that_  
 _Why must I chase the cat_  
 _Nothin' but the dog in me_

 _Why must I feel like that_  
 _Why must I chase the cat_  
 _Nothin' but the dog in me_

 _Why must I feel like that_  
 _Why must I chase the cat_  
 _Nothin' but the dog in me_

 _Why must I feel like that_  
 _Why must I chase the cat_  
 _Nothin' but the dog in me_

 _Bow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_  
 _Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_  
 _Bow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah_

 _Ruff!_

His eyes now blank as Remus realized who had pranked Padfoot, he struggled not to look over towards Hermione Granger. She had paid him a visit the day before and with an innocence that should have warned the former marauder had asked to borrow a few of his old albums. 

Still, his question was how had she shortened the lyrics to only those that were most fitting for his old friend and who else had been involved?

He looked at Sirius who was now laughing in spite of being pranked. The dark haired wizard was clearly amused and wasn't sure what to think when the letters all immediately closed and landed in a neat pile off to the side of his breakfast plate.

"Very entertaining, Black. What's next, dancing girls?" Snape sneered.

Sirius had removed the latest grouping of letters and was a bit tense when nothing happened except more owls dropping off letters. Eventually, the owls ended and he estimated that he had over 120 letters delivered that morning including several from Hedwig who he would swear had been smirking at him.

When one final owl flew into the Great Hall, Sirius was sure that something was up and sure enough, once again a group of about forty letters stacked themselves up, blew a raspberry at him then began to stack themselves and shuffling at various intervals. 

When nothing else, happened, Sirius wasn't fooled, positive that there was more to come, but he finished his breakfast and conjuring a bag carried his letters back to his quarters.

Once there and comfortably settled onto his favorite sofa, he began sorting them out and found them to be letters from more than three-quarters of the students as a response to his challenge the previous day. When he tried to open a random letter, he was bemused to find them organize themselves in four stacks that insisted he open the second tallest stack first. 

Breaking the wax seal on the first rather formal letter from a student, he let out a good chuckle as he saw that it's opening line was _In Honor of Random Act of Kindness Day, I, Hannah Abbott would like to offer you a small act of kindness, good sir. Honesty._

The letter then went on to inform him that she was rather sincerely concerned about his sanity and suggested that he get in touch with a mind healer from St. Mungos. Sirius was shaking his head as he finished reading her sign off which had added that she hoped that for Harry's sake he would consider her request.

The next letter was from a seventh year Hufflepuff male which said In Honor of Random Act of Kindness Day, _I Cedric Diggory would like to offer you a small act of kindness. Honesty._

The teenage boy's suggesting for what he felt was his strange behavior during the Opening Feast was to suggest a girlfriend and to spend some time shagging her. Or a boyfriend if that was more his thing.

By the third letter, one from Susan Bones whose 'Random Act of Kindness' was to suggest he get back to work helping her aunt protect the magical world and stop mucking about.

When Sirius realized that all of the letters of the first stack was from the Huffs, he got himself a pot of tea and some biscuits and when he was finished reading each and every single one of the forty letters, gave each student who wrote them, 1 point apiece before taking back Diggory's points just for the odd twinkly look that he often had in his eyes at it reminded him too much of the Headmaster. 

Reaching for the largest pile, that he was sure were from the lions, he let out a louder chuckle when they flew out of reach. "Okay, okay, so tell me who's next?" 

When the pile of about thirty letters, all neatly written and clearly a bit longer than the Puff letters moved within reach, Sirius broke the first seal and once again read that in Honor of Random Act of Kindness day, they were writing him hints and suggestions on how to improve Hogwarts.

His jaw dropped as he began to realize that each letter contained thick very informative and strategic plans on how to return Hogwarts to the best magical school in the world and that there were recommended book lists in each of the parcels. He merely placed the book lists off to the side otherwise he would be reading letters for the rest of the school year. 

All except one letter, this one from a girl with rather flowery handwriting suggested that now that "Stubby Boardman" was no longer infected with nargles, he get back to the studio, that her father really, really was in need of new musical content to listen to. Reading the signature line, he was outright laughing as he said: "Only a Lovegood would write a letter like that." 

More than a bit curious about the ones from the snakes, he was opening them and wasn't at all a bit surprised to realize that true to the real nature of Slytherins, this one was suggestions on Random Acts of Kindness and what he might do to improve relationships between their house and the school. They clearly believed that he was their best chance of doing so, especially since he had been born a member of the Black family.

The last stack had him a bit worried, between the Weasley twins and his godson, he was sure that whatever was inside those letters would be VERY, VERY interesting even before he took in the revenge filled thoughts of a very upset teenage girl who was smarter than him.

As he went to open the second letter after one from a girl named Lavender Brown who had some rather ingenious but scary suggestions on how to improve his wardrobe he heard a knock on his door.

Opening it, to see his former Head of House, he waved her inside and when he saw her looking at the debris from his mail, he said "You have some very interesting students in this school. A Mister Diggory would like to suggest I get laid, female or male, whatever my preference is. A Ms. Abbott would like me to seek mental health help. Ms. Lovegood would like me to stop masquerading as Sirius Black and just admit that I am someone named Stubby Boardman. Oh, and Ms. Brown wants to get me out of my clothes and into something more comfortable."

"Excuse me?" Minerva was sure she heard him wrong only to be handed the letter written in lurid purple ink. When she finished reading, she rolled her eyes and shaking her head looked at Sirius and said "Clearly, Ms. Brown needs to be spoken to. Tights? And a poet shirt? Knee High Boots, Oh dear, I think she has been reading those muggle pirate romance novels again."

"Did you come to inquire about my mail or was there something else you wanted today?" He asked after she had sat down on the nearby squishy red sofa and was looking at him.

She looked down at said sofa and then shaking her head stated "Your godson and Ms. Granger came to me, rather unhappy to find that their favorite sofa was missing from the common room. Care to explain?" 

An unrepentant Sirius grinned at her and said: "I replaced it with a much nicer one."

"Yes, well your godson wishes to have returned his girlfriend's favorite place to study," Minerva replied with a tight smile before letting out a small chuckle of her own. "Oddly enough, they weren't the only Lions unhappy to notice it gone. I have a mutiny on my hands, Black." 

"Hey, I gave them a new very comfortable even wider sofa." He protested. "They should be thrilled."

"Well, I will let you explain this to your godson. Whose last threat involved getting Dobby involved if you didn't give in to my how was it stated, oh, I recall very grown up glares." She answered with a chuckle at how Harry and Hermione had very diplomatically avoided insulting her while stating that she was impressively intimidating for the students. "Now, do you wish for help opening the rest of your letters, and why are they writing them to you?"

As he explained his plan regarding the holidays, he told her what he hadn't Moony and Harry and the why behind them. Pointing her towards the pile of letters from the Claws and the Puffs and then at the small pile from the snakes and then the ones from the Lions, he said: "If this works out right it will cause just enough chaos, Minnie, to get through the changes you and I have spoken about."

When she lifted the first letter from a Claw, she sighed then looking at Sirius said "Albus will fight this. Let alone, whatever the real reason he has Umbridge working here after getting fired from the Ministry. That woman doesn't belong in the same building as students let alone teaching them." 

"Let him, he is a big part of the problem. As for Umbridge, I am sure her plan involved Harry, same with the Headmaster. Either way, he won't be in her class and neither will the Granger girl. Unfortunately, the Weasleys wouldn't believe me and instead refused my offer of a History tutor for them. Umbridge is a fool but she won't dare go after certain other students, and the oath she had to take for the Board prevents her from attacking muggleborns or half-bloods nor is she allowed to treat them any differently based on their blood status, but I am afraid that there are ways around that edict. It's why I took this assignment when Fudge asked me to." Sirius replied while picking up the next Gryffindor letter which suggested that in honor of Random Acts of Kindness day, Sirius should show the Lions how to make water into wine. 

"Mr. Finnegan." She replied when she heard the letter out loud. "The truly crazy thing is that the boy doesn't even like the taste of it, he is just determined to master the spell for some reason. He also has been eager to attempt to brew fire-whiskey."

"Odd boy doesn't he know how easy it is to obtain," Sirius said then letting out a chuckle, handed over Harry's letter to her. When she laughed as well, he looked up and then groaned as he said "Minnie?" 

"Yes, maybe I shouldn't have given that to you." with that, he lifted his hands and showed her that they were now a nice mint green color. Thankfully five minutes later, she was still flesh colored, but Sirius was finding that his new green sun tan was spreading. 

He had stopped opening the letters and was laughing as he realized his godson had pranked him only for the next letter in line to fly up in the air and smack him upside the head. "Hey, read me. You wanted me, now read me."

When he ignored the letter, it began to chant read me, read me, read me in the rather annoying voice of Colin Creevey. Sirius gave in to shut the letter up but when his skin turned a slightly darker green and then bright yellow polka dots developed on his face, he stopped yet again this time for the letter from a fourth year named Romilda Vane to start to annoy him.

Minerva McGonagall, stood, patted him on the arm and said "Twenty-five points to Gryffindor for ingenious use of charms. Now, if you will excuse me, Sirius... I do believe I am due in the Great Hall for lunch."

Sirius was rather busy trying to und0 the prank but instea, the letters kept insisting on being opened and he found he couldn't set them on fire or drown them. By the time that the lunch bell sounded, the pranked wizard's skin was green and yellow, his hair was black and white striped and for some reason, he now had a mustache that rivaled Sir Nick. 

He suspected the twins for that one, as he realized that he couldn't make it go away in spite of what he attempted. In fact when he attempted to end the spells, they would change colors then minutes later would return to their original lurid colors.

Determined to prove that he was unflappable, Sirius entered the Great Hall to the sounds of hilarious laughter and when Delores Umbridge stood and stormed off in a fit of pique, he bowed to her now empty chair.

Severus Snape just ignored the buffoon, he wasn't going to let him make him the butt of his jokes, not today. He had too much to do and other than sitting near Trelawney than at his usual spot, he acted as if nothing was going on in spite of the now ear splitting laughter filling the hall.

At least that was his intent when he heard Lupin's amused statement. "Padfoot, why do you look like Dumbledore who appears to be wearing robes from the sixties?"

Leaning forward, the potions teacher saw that Sirius now had a long flowing purple beard and was wearing neon psychedelic colored robes and a wizard's cap with yellow polka dots on them which strangely clashed with the skin covered in similar colors.

Sirius stood to reply to his old friend and within seconds was wearing a dress, a muggle dress, one with green stripes and yellow polka dots, heels and a fascinator on his head with a ribbon across his chest that said Miss British Magical World, 1996.

He saw the smirk on Snape's face and was about to laugh in the greasy git's face when he felt his next change coming on. This one had Snivellus howling as he stood up and stormed out of the Great Hall. Looking at Remus he asked. "What?"

The werewolf conjured a mirror and handed it to the wizard who noticed his skin was no longer green, nope, it certainly wasn't. Instead, it was a rather whitish color and upon looking in the mirror howled "Harry James Potter! I know you are behind this one." 

Neville Longbottom was groaning in horror as his boggart Snape from his third year reappeared, this time in costume on Harry's godfather. He had had a bad year from Snape and then when he had returned home for the summer had had to avoid his grandmother to keep from laughing in remembrance at inappropriate times when she would wear that vulture hat.

Harry looked up from where he was seated, having had the good sense to stay quiet at his godfather's latest transformation and couldn't resist "Yes, Professor Snape?" 

"You have gone too far this time. You and your co-conspirators. Run!" With that, Sirius Black who now looked remarkably like his worst childhood foe and no longer like Neville's boggart, changed into his animagus form and dived under the table, down from the podium and gave chase after his laughing godson as he grabbed Hermione's hand, told Ron to make a break for it and then took off at full speed while the majority of the students laughed. 

"Ten points to Hufflepuff." That silenced the room as most of the students looked towards Professor Flitwick who winked then said: "Ten more to Slytherin, in fact, ten points to all four houses for school unity." 

At the Gryffindor table, Fred looked at George and asked while serving himself a second serving of soup: "Do you think we should try to rescue Harry and Hermione?"

"Harry is a very formidable young wizard who would be handy to have on our side and of course, Ms. Granger is legendary as a researcher, maybe we should?" George replied he asked, his languid tone showing that they clearly had no real intention of rescuing their fellow Lions. 

"Wait, what about Ron?" Dean asked the twins. "Isn't he your brother?"

"To be honest, we aren't exactly sure on that," Fred replied with a snicker. "Our mater and our pater claim that he is their son, but I, well we secretly believe he was found in the vegetable patch one morning and that they merely altered him to look like a Weasley." 

"Seriously?" Rolling her eyes, Ginny stood and made plans to go track down the trio, she had heard a rumor and wished to ask Harry if it was true. "You better hope that Mum and Dad don't hear your nonsense."

"Hey, it's our Random Act of Kindness towards Ron, telling him the truth of his origins." Fred retorted. "And, do you wish to know the truth about yours?"

"Sure, tell me!" She asked rolling her eyes and missing that she had gained an eavesdropper as Draco Malfoy perked up at getting some good gossip regarding the Weasels.

Fred winked at George who told his sister "Mum wanted a girl so bad and there hasn't been a girl born to the Weasley family in years, so Mum danced naked under a full moon with the Headmaster. Haven't you ever seen the pictures from when he defeated Grindelwald, he had the same color red hair as you do when he was younger."

Draco couldn't even restrain his shock as he quickly stood, almost knocking over Goyle and Crabbe as he hurried out of the Great Hall, knowing he had to tell his father about this well-hidden secret. 

Ginny had merely rolled her eyes at the twins then said "Well, I heard that your true father was Loki and when he met the two of you he had you kicked out of Asgard and banned from ever returning. Mum and Dad took you in because they felt sorry for you and have regretted it since."

Later that night, Harry landed next to Hermione on 'their' sofa and grinned at his recently gained girlfriend. "So, do you love me?"

"Because you got our sofa back?" She asked skeptically. When he nodded while still smirking at her, she said: "No because your godfather is the one who stole it in the first place and it was my very clever plan that got it back."

"Hey, I helped, I let Padfoot chase me all over the castle while you merely broken into his quarters and stole it back." He protested.

Ron who was finishing up his Potions homework glared at the two of them then said: "Hey, I need help." 

"Truer words were never spoken," Hermione replied with a long suffering sigh. "By the way, rumor is that you are a cabbage patch kid."

"A what?" Ron looked at Hermione and then shaking his head muttered: "I swear, I will never ever read unless required, clearly it rots your brain."

"So, Hermione, what is up for tomorrow?" Lavender and Parvati asked as they settled into a chair nearby squished against each other but clearly fine with it.

"We start classes tomorrow," Hermione replied wearing a puzzled expression on her face.

"Yes, but we have had so much fun with these made up holidays," Lavender announced with a side ways look at Ron who was frowning as he attempted to fill out his homework for Snape to make it long enough. 

"The calendar that Mr. Black supplies shows tomorrow is Eat An Extra Dessert day." Colin Creevey announced. 

"Wow, Ronnie, a holiday created with you in mind." Ginny teased her brother who flushed and glared at her. "What?" 

"Nothing." He snapped then closing his book, said "Wait, what? We get extra dessert tomorrow?"

There were some quiet chuckles at the hopeful look on his face as he looked towards his two friends. "Seriously?"

"Well, according to Sirius, but I looked and it is also Labor day which means celebrating the working wizard or witch. Maybe we should send letters or notes to our parents who work or something." Hermione suggested only to hear groans at the idea of writing yet another letter. "Or maybe not."

Hermione reached into her backpack and pulled out a book with a guilty look towards Harry who saw its title and laughed. "You took that too?" 

"Well, it seemed like a good idea." She said then opened the page to September Fourth and said: "According to this book tomorrow is also National Chicken Wing Day."

There were some nods from the muggles among them then she said: "It is also the Great Bathtub Race day." 

The twins looked at one another then at Lee Johnson before asking for their friend to cover for them as they hurried out the portrait exit, they had just had a brilliant, wonderful, insane idea and they knew just who to go to to get help with it.

* * *

At the Malfoy residence, Lucius was in his study, unhappy with how his plan to get himself assigned to Hogwarts had backfired and gotten that moron Black the position. To make matters worse, Fudge was avoiding him and he was going to have to go to the Ministry and confront the wizard about it.

"Dear?" Looking up to where his wife was entering the room, he saw she was holding a note with their son's handwriting on it. "Do you still have that letter from Draco the other day?"

"The one where he claims that that Granger girl's worthless mother is apparently a well-known muggle torturer? Yes, here." He pulled the note out of his top desk drawer and handed it over. "Why?"

"I am not sure what to think..." She said handing over the note that their son had written to them. "He claims that he overheard the Weasleys talking about a great family secret and that Dumbledore is the father of that girl Weasley." 

Lucius almost fell off his chair in shock at the idea of getting one over on the old man then he read the note. "Tell me our son isn't this gullible?"

"I am a bit worried, especially after the note three nights ago. Maybe you should pay Hogwarts a visit and find out what is going on with him?" She suggested.

"I will send Severus a note, it might be nothing. More than likely those Weasley brats are just trying to cause trouble for our son." Lucius told his wife trying to hide his uneasiness. After all, if it was something more, it more than it was likely connected to his wife's side of the family. Her sister and cousin were never exactly portraits of sane mental health even before spending time in Azkaban.

Besides, he had an appointment at Gringotts in the morning and to track down a minister in the afternoon, surely his son's mental health couldn't deteriorate that soon.

TBC

Song #1 Atomic Dog by George Clinton


	4. Chapter 4: Great Bathtub Race

**National Appreciation Day**

 **September 4th**

 **The Great Bath Tub Race**

Remus Lupin sighed as he ended his last class for the first day of the new school year. Other than not being able to find any chocolate cake left over to eat for dessert, it had been a typical day at Hogwarts and he was ashamed to admit that it had been a little boring. 

No strange conversations with Sirius, who had spent the day at the Ministry and Gringotts. No one had been pranked, well at least not that he knew about. Harry had popped his head in on his way to his afternoon Runes class, so clearly there was nothing to worry about there.

In fact, other than having to deal with Delores Umbridge at lunch, he had had a peaceful morning, heck, he had even gotten a note from Dora before his afternoon class had begun.

All in all... with a sigh, he admitted to himself, a boring day.

Even Severus had been subdued at lunch, other than glaring at him and muttering about a certain boggart and how some people shouldn't be allowed to teach. Hearing a knock on the door, he called for whomever it was to enter and was pleased to see Filius Flitwick who entered and was soon seated across from him on the chair he had altered.

"How was your first day?" Flitwick asked sounding curious.

"Fine, though, I had several of your Claws almost call me by your name." He admitted with a chuckle. "How was your first day teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" 

"Other than a visit from our new History of Magic teacher who informed me that she felt it was rather unseemly to actually be teaching the children spells in my class, fine," Flitwick announced with a laugh of his own.

"What does she think you should be doing?" Remus asked rather astonished at the woman's ignorance regarding educating students.

"Teaching from a book so out of date it has been banned from school use in every other single country in the world," Flitwick replied. "It certainly explains why she insists on using the same textbook that Binn used."

"That book was out of date when Binns started using it over two hundred years ago," Remus replied. "I don't know what the Headmaster is thinking, employing that woman. I am quite certain that among her lessons will be a boatload of pure blood dogma tossed in." 

"Oh, she is already ranting about Goblin wars, my guess is Werewolves and other creatures are next on her list of magicals to denigrate," Flitwick replied with a grimace. "I have already assigned my Claws a textbook to read for them to pass their OWLS and NEWTS."

"Speaking of books... did Sirius send you that list he mentioned yet?" Remus had read the list and was shocked to realize that many had gone missing since his own time at Hogwarts.

"Yes and I spoke to those of the students in my house who wrote the letters about it, they themselves cross-referenced it before it was even sent to Mr. Black. I gather he is looking into the matter." Filius asked.

"Yes, and it might be pretty serious because most of those books were donated by magical families, so removing the gifts and not returning them to the givers is a breach of magical protocol. Sirius has asked Gringotts to do a check of the ones his family donated, turns out that both the Potters and Blacks used a charm to locate donated items so that they can be sure they are used for the intended purpose."

Flitwick hid his need to smirk, he was rather certain that the books were going to turn up here at the school and that they were going to be found in a certain tower that would remain nameless. Still, while he found that interesting, he was even more concerned because he knew that something was up with the students and it was becoming clear that Remus Lupin knew nothing about it.

The DADA professor had spoken to Severus who naturally avoided the last two Marauders, and he had also reluctantly admitted that his own students had mentioned books donated by their families missing from the bookshelves in their common rooms. What had been very shocking to discover was that there was no longer a common library in the Gryffindor tower and that the students don't remember their having been one. 

Charlie Weasley and his classmates were the last to recall such a thing and he was rather sure that when Hermione Granger found out that certain books were supposed to be within easy reach for any student in their tower, her anger would bring down the entire castle.

Flitwick was certain that it had been the headmaster who had charmed the tower so that the students wouldn't question such a thing and if he was right, well things might start to get a little more interesting around here. 

* * *

Fred and George were speaking to Warrington who grinned and said: "I am in, but how do we get such a thing?"

"If we can change something living into a pin cushion, I think we can handle changing something into a bathtub," Fred replied with a smirk and a wink at the older student.

"When are you doing this?" Warrington asked. "Plus who is to know? What are the rules going to be?"

"After the break, anyone and no cheating but otherwise, all that matters four wizards or witches pushing one witch or wizard in the tub one hundred yards before handing the flag off to the next team. Four laps of the track." George replied.

"Oh, we checked, it's not against the school rules so we are inviting everyone. Lee is going to make the announcement in about fifteen minutes that the Great Inaugural Bathtub Race of Hogwarts is to be run an hour before dinner." Fred added.

"So, house versus house?" Warrington asked with a smirk on his face as he dreamed of beating the Lions at their own event. 

"Yes, each team has to be fourth year and up, but it isn't just about speed, it's about execution and artistic expression. Otherwise, we will improvise about costumes and such."

"We are in." The competitive edge in the Slytherin's voice had the twins smiling as they went to speak to Cedric.

"Surprised you would invite the Slytherins," Cedric replied as he leaned against the stone bridge outside of the castle.

"Hey, we want it to be fair and besides, if this works out the way we planned, it should be entertaining," George replied knowing that Diggory would get a team together just to be a part of this. 

* * *

Sirius Black grimaced as he entered the room he had set up and greeted the four heads of the Hogwarts houses. "This won't take too long. I spoke to the Ministry and the Board of Governors. They are going to order that the headmaster return the books. They are also going to give him three days or they are going to bring in the Goblins to do so."

"Black, he won't like that. He feels that he and he alone has the right to decide which books the students should be able to access." Sirius looked over at Snape who seemed to not want to continue speaking but who apparently decided that in this matter they were on the same side. "That being said, I don't agree. I did a check of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common room libraries at the request of Pomona and Filius, there are certain potion books that I expect my students to read and which are missing. It certainly explains why the students for the last several years have been lacking in certain skills that they should have."

Sirius nodded then told the man "I found out from Harry that he had never read the books that all first-year students do before classes start. I know that half-blood and pureblood students prepare before school and that they are given to muggleborn students and are kept in the common room library for students to use to review."

Minerva pressed her lips together, shocked to realize how delinquent she had been for the last few years. "That he managed to do this, right under my nose. I just don't understand why."

Severus wanted to snarl and make a nasty comment, but before he could speak, he was shocked when Pomona spoke up.

"I rather fear that he had plans for your godson that were not exactly ethical as headmaster. He has harmed not only Mr. Potter but every other student in that tower. While Severus has not always expressed himself well on this matter, I have to say I agree with some of his statements regarding the headmaster's favoritism towards your godson even if I don't blame an innocent child who was a pawn on his chessboard." Pomona looked at the dark-haired man with a frown.

"As for the books, Albus has often felt that he and he alone should be the arbitrator of what is and isn't acceptable to be read by the students since he became headmaster," Filius repeated, knowing that that was going to be the sticking point in this matter.

"The Ministry and the Board of Governors agreed with my view that censorship in any form is wrong. That these books have existed in some form or another in the library or common rooms for hundreds of years." Sirius replied hiding the irony in such a statement. Fudge had seem torn about making such a statement but had agreed when Bones, Diggory and Arthur Weasley along with Nott, Malfoy and Flint had been up in arms about valuable books they donated having gone missing "He will be given no choice and they know where the books are and if they go missing, he will be forced to replace each and every single book." 

Sirius had gone to his family library and paged through each of the books mentioned and was shocked to realize that there was nothing really all that dark about any of the books. In fact, other than some that Nott had donated were about blood magic, there was nothing too wrong with any of them and each house had been given a set of each book. 

* * *

Harry and Hermione were seated on the sofa, scowling when they realized that while this LOOKED like their sofa, it wasn't. "How did he switch it back?"

"I don't know, but I am not letting this go," Hermione replied with a scowl as she vowed to defeat the High Inquisitor aka Harry's godfather aka the sofa thief.

"So, are you guys going to join?" Seamus asked as he entered the common room. "Fred and George are trying to get teams together."

Hermione groaned and looked over at Harry who she was sure would dive right in. "I am not."

"Me neither," Harry said to their surprise. Seeing Seamus frown, Harry said, "You need four guys, Neville, Ron, Dean and yourself and I am sure that Parvati or Lavender would be thrilled to be your bathtub babe."

Hermione glared at Harry for that comment, they had heard Draco Malfoy calling the rider that, but Seamus grinned and said: "Lavender volunteered as soon as she heard about the race."

"Good, then you won't need Hermione or me. We will be there to cheer you on, at least I will." Harry replied as he settled back onto the uncomfortable sofa.

When the Irish boy had left, Hermione looked at him and asked: "Why aren't you doing this?"

"I really am not interested," Harry replied as he told her the rest. "They are going to be wearing costumes, and frankly the last thing I want to do is be part of this insanity."

Seeing her skeptical glance, he added: "I have been working on something for Sirius and to be honest, it has had me a bit less enthralled with things here at school."

"Are you able to tell me about it?" She awkwardly asked. She had learned over the last few months, that Sirius often discussed things with Harry that he couldn't share with Ron or herself. Ron had not taken that well, especially when they had found out later on about at least one of the items.

"It's not a secret, well not really, in fact, I was already thinking of asking you to read over what I already have written. He wants to know about our second year. I went back to the day that Dobby appeared at the Dursley house and started writing from that moment." He replied as he pulled the small journal notebook out of his school bag.

As students entered the common room, Harry grinned when he heard his fellow dorm mates discussing the race and their outfits. "Harry, thanks mate."

Looking up to where Ron was moving their way, he asked what's up.

"Well without you in the race, Seamus and Dean are dating others and well Neville isn't exactly competition because he avoids her, I might have a chance with Lavender." He replied as he threw himself onto the other end of the sofa then groaned. "He took it back?"

"Yes, and we have no idea how or when," Harry asked while Hermione had begun reading the journal. "Wait, how did he get in here?"

Standing, Harry went to the entrance and asked the Fat Lady if Sirius Black had paid them a visit that day or the day before.

"Only when he came to speak to you this morning, young Potter." She replied.

Frowning because Hermione had been seated on the sofa during that visit, he returned to their spot and asked: "Hermione was the sofa ours this morning?"

"Yes, why?" she asked as she looked up from Harry's journal. 

"I walked Sirius to the gate this morning, so how did he find the time to switch it out himself. I rather fear that he has a partner in this." He said wearing a scowl of his own. "I also would bet that the he in question answers to the name Moony."

Ron saw Lavender entering and smacking Harry on the back, told them he had to go change into the costume that they were wearing before going to speak to the blond girl who was giggling as they spoke. 

"Seriously?" Hermione asked as she saw the way that Lavender was acting. "Harry, if I EVER start to act like that around you, please hex me."

"First I will make sure that no one has used polyjuice potion to become you or that it isn't a certain auror, then I would gladly send a stinging hex at you." He replied with a grave air about him that was ruined when he rolled his own eyes. "What does he see that he likes about that."

* * *

Rolanda Hooch was flying into the pitch, having doubled checked the teaching brooms as she normally did the first day of the year only to notice that a large contingent of students was gathering.

When she noticed that those few who were wearing robes had on either green or red scarves, she groaned, expecting to yet again have to separate a group of Gryffindors from Slytherin students. Instead of hexes and insults, she was amused to hear both sides laughing and what sounded like cooperation.

Disillusioning herself, she moved forward, a bit concerned but more than that, she was curious as to what was going on.

"So, is it acceptable to the rules?" She heard Warrington the Snake's Quidditch captain was asking the Weasley twins. Moving forward she squinted when she saw what looked to be a bathtub on wheels and that the seventh year snake seemed to be wearing a dress of all things.

"It's fine, but don't you plan on decorating it?" She heard then noticed the twins moving apart to display something. Struggling not to laugh when she saw the strangely shaped bathtub now a rainbow of colors that were painted in the shapes of waves both inside and out of the large tub.

Warrington looked pained as he stared at the tub. "I have to ask, are all Gryffindors color blind, because that would certainly explain a lot about the Headmaster's choices in robes."

"Nope and this beauty was created by the very lovely ladies who play chaser on our Quidditch team," Fred replied. Then with a bit of honesty, he added: "In uh, shall we say honor of said mentioned robes."

"Hey, Challen, we could change the color of our tub." One of the other Slytherin students stated. "We just would have to find one that would go with the costume theme. In fact..." 

She gestured to a group of students approaching and Rolanda felt her need to laugh grow when she saw that the Hufflepuff Badgers had a tub, this one with flowers and greenery decorating it and that the students gathering were dressed like brownies and fairies.

"Where are the Claws?" Lee Jordan asked as he walked over to his classmates. "We have five minutes to the beginning of the inaugural Hogwarts Great Bathtub Race and Weasleys where are the Lions who are running the race?"

"Granger stopped them and was offering to alter their outfits, she was concerned with them tripping over their robes." Susan Bones stated as she moved forward to look at the fifth year Snakes girls who all appeared to be dressed to look like Malfoy and asked "The Lions are dressed as the headmaster. Where are your costumes?"

"Funny, Bones." Parkinson replied as she leaned in and whispered: "Just wait 'til my father hears about this and how I am dressed."

"What?" Then Bones saw Draco Malfoy and buried her head into the shoulders of the nearest person to keep from laughing out loud as she saw Draco was dressed as a girl with his hair which had been lengthened in braids, was wearing makeup and a dress. 

"Bones?" Looking up, she flushed to realize that she had been using Malfoy's classmate and fifth-year prefect Theodore Nott to hide her giggles. The dour boy looked over at his classmate and said with wide eyes "If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it. Did Malfoy lose a bet?" 

"Nope, Daphne was pissed when he demanded to look over the girls to decide who was going to be given the honor of being the fifth year bathtub babe then he insulted Millicent and thus, he ended up said bathtub babe. The others took up the challenge, but let's just say that Malfoy was the best decorated." Pansy said scowling at Draco for his comments earlier that day.

"Remind me to never piss any of you off, again," Theodore said as he eased towards the nearby seats. "Wait, why are the stands so low?"

"Well, the race will be on the ground if you were in the bleachers you wouldn't see anything." Hermione Granger said as she approached.

"Oh. that makes sense. What the heck are the...no...seriously... no." Nott fell off his seating laughing as he pointed towards the entrance.

Hermione looked at the Ravenclaw students and told Harry "Someone on the Ravenclaw team took inspiration from Formula One racing, look at their costumes and tub."

Harry who had gone to a race with Hermione and her dad that summer found himself snickering at the jumpsuits in Ravenclaw colors, the helmets on their head and the tub that looked like it had been aerodynamically structured. "I think that a certain house is taking this thing very, very seriously."

* * *

The Board of Governors was speaking with Amelia Bones and Augusta Longbottom while the other four witnesses were listening to what they had found out. "So the charters states this."

"Yes, and we need to be there so there is no doubt that Sirius Black is speaking not only for the Ministry but for us," Ogden replied from his seat as he shook his head as he looked over the very long list of books that were missing. "And according to those who remember, most of these books went missing just before the beginning of the 1991 class year."

The Board appointed those with students currently enrolled to act as their representatives and left while the remaining three went observe as Sirius was to speak to the headmaster before dinner. They assured those waiting that they would let them know how it went, but Malfoy insisted on attending as did Arthur Weasley who wasn't going to allow only Malfoy to represent the parents.

Upon entering the gates, they heard a loud raucous noise and cheering coming from the Quidditch stadium and Amelia Bones frowned and said: "Would there already be tryouts for the teams?" 

"No, and I have never heard that much noise at a tryout," Lucius replied as they as a group changed direction to see what was going on.

As they came within earshot they heard the PA system come to life and the announcement... even as they couldn't see what was going on yet.

"And the tubs are at the start line for the Inaugural Great Bathtub Race to begin. Let's hear it for the Puffs, team captain Cedric Diggory is in position as starting driver, to be followed by sixth-year Delphine Bagnold, the dogleg to be driven by the very lovely Susan Bones and bringing it home for the Puffs will be Justin Finch Fletchely.

Before anyone could speak, the announcer spoke over the roars of approval for the Huffs to begin introducing the Lions. "Our team captain in position as the driver for the Lions, our very own and equally lovely Alicia Spinnet is to be our starting driver, second is to be a Weasley, Fred or George, am truly not sure which." 

Arthur groaned when he heard his son's names attached to this insanity while Lucius took pride in knowing his son would not be part of a prank such as this.

"Dogleg driver is to be Lavender Brown followed by school photographer Colin Creevey." The roars of approval were the same and the group was just about to the rise of the knoll when the announcer went through the Claws then announced "And last but certainly not least, good sports and that ain't a joke, the Slytherin Snakes, team captain Challen Warrington is our lead driver, followed by Gallen Macnair, dogleg driver is the very uh, lovely Draco Malfoy and the very gracious Blaise Zabini has volunteered to be a fourth year and female for the next fifteen minutes.

"Drivers prepare your mules." The seven adults arrived just in time to see three students per team wearing odd costumes picking up ropes and a fourth moving to stand behind bathtubs on wheels.

"What on earth?" Augusta Longbottom could not believe her eyes as she saw the Hufflepuff students who were closest to them dressed in costumes standing around a bathtub with wheels on the track that ran beneath the Quidditch pitch.

"On your mark." Sirius looked around, wondering where Harry was when he didn't see his godson wearing one of the lurid outfits mimicking the headmaster at Lion's tub.

Just as the adults went to put a stop to this, Rolanda Hooch who had mounted her broom to watch from above flew down and showed herself to the adults. "It's fine, I am monitoring their, uh, shall we say madness."

"You are sanctifying this...this...whatever this is," Ogden asked as he turned towards Sirius who was standing there staring unable to believe what he was seeing.

"It's harmless fun and if you notice, there is no fighting no one is hexing each other and all insults are being tossed at one another in good clean fun. So yes, I am sanctifying the race." Hooch replied. "Now, if you will excuse me, I am keeping watch for cheating."

With that, she flew towards Lee who had stopped speaking, concerned he was about to be given detention for something. "Mr. Jordan, I believe you have a race to start." 

There was a loud cheer as the rather no-nonsense Hooch handed him his wand and moved back to the sky to watch the race. 

"Okay, as I said, on your mark." Then counting to five he said, "Get set." Another five then he used his wand to create a loud boom and the students pushing and pulling the tub were off.

There was much laughter as the Huffs pulled out to a large lead that was soon lost when as the teams switched out to their second group, their vines full of flowers fell off and they stopped to gather it as part of the rules stated that you had to keep track of your decorations and have them in the tub at the end of the race.

The snakes stayed back and let the lions rush forward but they soon discovered why Granger had offered to trim their robes. Their refusal, wishing to look more authentic cost them the race as they kept tripping over their own hems and by the time the third team driver was entering the tub, Lavender fell onto Cormac costing them even more time. 

Soon the lions were lagging behind the badgers and the snakes and eagles were neck and neck as the last team came around the bend. The fourth change, unfortunately, cost the Snakes the race and landed them in the last place when Draco forgot to hand over the wheel as he was more concerned with fixing his neckline which had exposed the bra with cantaloupes for breasts. The entire team had to come back about a fifty feet to get the wheel.

What however was truly unfortunate was that this was done right in front of the representatives who were there to speak to the headmaster.

"DRACO!"

The teenage boy looked up and then went back to fixing his dress, determined to return the cantaloupe that had slid out back into the cup of the bra.

"DRACO!" The teenage boy was finding out why girls so disliked bras as he struggled to keep the fruit he had been given in separate cups while struggling not to pull on the lacy girl panties from where they were strangling his manhood and balls. Giving up as the pain got intense, he didn't know what to do with the fruit as he tossed it into the grass and reached down to rearrange himself in the tight lace.

"One-minute father, the lace is too tight on my bal..." Draco then realized what he was saying and to whom and turning a slight shade of green whimpered and looked up. "Father." 

For once Arthur Weasley didn't feel like the biggest moron in the room with Lucius Malfoy as they got a look at the Malfoy heir.

Draco was wearing braids that were coiled around one another over his ears, he had on thick blue eyeshadow, enough eyeliner and mascara to cover every single girl at Hogwarts and have some to spare. His lips were painted a very lovely magenta color.

There were very gaudy earrings in the shapes of hearts in his ears, there were more hearts on the plastic pink necklace, bracelet and to their surprise around the left ankle of his hairy leg which was shown off along with its mate via a short skirt and a pair of high-heeled ankle boots.

Add that to the rather large round lump on one side and the way the teenager was attempting to wiggle his rear for some reason and no one knew where to look or what to say.

The four girls standing nearby who had caught their breath after racing looked at the blond and said to his father "Don't let him blame anyone but himself. This was how he expected one of us to dress."

There was some stuttering and Draco glared at the girls who were glaring right back, even Pansy who felt more comfortable with his father as he was friends with hers. "Mr. Malfoy, Draco decided that in order to pick which of us would have according to him the privilege of being his bathtub babe that he had the right to feel each of us up."

"So, we decided that if he wanted to treat us as a sex object and as nothing but a sum of our parts, we would show him exactly how it felt to be judged by his body and what he wore," Daphne said with a smug smirk on her face as her arms went around Millie and Tracy.

Across the pitch, the Claws were celebrating their win and accepting their trophy which was a small toy bathtub mounted upon a gold pyramid which was on to of muggle base. The twins were demanding a speech and there was general laughter as the last team, the snakes who had ended delayed by Draco finally crossed the finish line. 

Those not taken in by the sight of Lucius Malfoy looking ready to hex his son as he dragged him off the pitch by his ear, were touched by the way that the students, all of them gathered around and were congratulating them for reaching the finish line and everyone was laughing when the twins pulled out a wrapped package and said "The uh, maybe I shouldn't say it but I can't resist, the boobie prize for the last place goes to the Snakes."

Warrington unwrapped the toilet seat cover and then looked at the mini sinks given to the members of the winning team and couldn't help it, he hopped up onto the riser and said "I am touched, truly, truly touched. We promise to treasure this, well until next year when we earn the golden bathtub for the honor of our house." 

With that, he hopped down, his arm around the Weasley twins as he questioned them about where the seat cover had come from. Their answer had him laughing hysterically as the students began to head towards the castle, pulling their bathtubs along.

Hermione and Harry were laughing along with the rest of them when she asked: "Where do you think that toilet seat came from?"

Harry debated then admitted "I saw them in the common room after Ginny asked you for your help. They asked me to create it after I found out what they intended to do and I stopped them."

"What did they intend and do I wish to know?" She asked as they came upon a group of adults.

Harry chuckled and said "At first, they wished to find a way into the headmaster's tower and steal his but I reminded them that there are portraits that would catch them. Then they wanted Snapes."

"Oh Merlin, he would kill them." She said giggling in spite of herself.

"That is what I pointed out, then suggested that they just transfigure something into a seat cover but they were worried about it changing back. I uh, I didn't know that could happen. I mean, nothing I have ever transfigured ever did that unless I used another spell." He admitted.

"Wait, what? Never?" She asked sounding astonished. Seeing his confusion, she said with a bit of a peeved sounding sigh. "Harry, transfiguration isn't permanent unless you use a spell to make it so. At least usually."

"Oh, I didn't know that." He said then looking at her admitted: "I must have used that spell, Hermione because I still have that needle we used the straw to changed into a needle first year.."

"There are days, Harry Potter." She said as she looked at her boyfriend in astonishment. Seeing the amused grin of a certain dogfather, she said "I will get my revenge, Sirius Black, and you can warn your partner in crime that we know about him too. But later, what do you know about how Harry did that." Sirius played innocent and grinned 

The High Inquisitor waved at the other adults who were now staring at Harry in astonishment and led the two off. "It's not really a shock, Harry gets it from his dad as he could do the same. It is part of the Potter family magic." 

Sirius explained to the two teens about how family magics worked and told them to meet him around seven that evening as he had something he needed to tell Harry and that Hermione and Ron were more than welcome to be there. "Our meeting was postponed because Lucius Malfoy had an urgent need to speak to his son."

* * *

Severus Snape looked at his godson in askance then at his father. "Lucius, surely what the girls did was or rather is punishment enough."

The taller blond was pacing back and forth, turning to glare at his son then ordered him to stop fidgeting.

"But father, the lace is cutting into my ba-."

Lucius silenced his son then stunned him as he stared at the teenager. "What on earth is going on with him?"

Severus shook his head and hid his need to snicker at the various shades of makeup and the clothes the young boy was wearing. It wasn't the first time that the females of Slytherin house had gotten revenge on a male snake for the attitude that Draco had displayed but it was one of the more memorable. He had never intervened against his female students and had, in fact, let it happen after having had repeated interviews with the rather chauvinistic male students.

"He sent us the strangest note regarding Granger's muggle mother, then came up with a story that that blood traitor Weasley's wife had an affair with the Headmaster that the daughter is his. Now, this." Lucius said looking at his son in anger. 

"I have no idea what on earth is going on with the first thing, but the bit about the Weasleys, I know about. The twins were speaking to their sister and something about their brother Ronald being found in a vegetable patch. Some of his classmates were joking around about his being a cabbage patch child for some reason. Dumbledore fathering the girl is probably the rumor mill in overdrive." 

"If Draco's mother hears of his behavior..." Lucius shuddered. Narcissa was not a pushover and he had always had a healthy respect for his wife and her magical abilities. He would never treat her as a mere object of lust and had no idea where his son had gotten this attitude from. 

"Maybe that is what he needs," Severus replied. "So, when is the meeting with the headmaster?"

"Immediately after dinner, I am beginning to think that Sirius Black isn't quite the headmaster's man after all," Lucius said with a thoughtful expression on his face as he looked at his son. 

Removing the spell from the teenager, he ordered him to shower and change into robes or whatever he normally wore. "You should know, I am going to ask your classmates to write your mother a note telling her about your behavior."

"No, please, anything but that." Draco was practically begging as his father ordered him to do as he was told. "Please, father. Don't tell mother."

Draco stormed into his dorm and stripped out of his clothes to shower. The last thing he needed was his mother to find out what he was doing. He shuddered knowing how she felt about such behavior. He was rather afraid that if she were to find out what he had been doing, he would find himself betrothed to someone like Eloise Midgeon, with had spots or worse that Lovegood girl who wasn't even on the same planet most of the time.

* * *

The old wizard had a headache, between the rantings of Delores Umbridge before dinner, then her shrieks of anger when she had heard about what the students had been doing during their break and now the visit of representatives from the Board of Governors, the Ministry, and several parents, he wished for nothing more than peace and quiet as he tried to find a way around the edict being given to him.

Albus Dumbledore frowned as the meeting ended. When those gathered had left, he looked at Sirius Black and said "I am very disappointed in you, my boy. All you had to do was ask to speak to me, I would have gladly explained my reasons for doing as I did to you. Now there is no stopping this matter. You have no idea what you have done. There were reasons for this." 

Sirius looked at the old wizard in front of him then at the full bookshelves in the second part of the tower that he had hoarded away from the students and said "There was absolutely no reason to deny any student the educational texts that they need. And what you did to the students in Gryffindor, is almost criminal behavior. You had no right. Now, tomorrow morning, I will be removing the books back to where they belong."

Albus went to remove a few of the more esoteric texts only to find that he was hexed by a knockback curse. "Albus, it is targeted to your blood and only I am keyed in to remove any of the books in this office."

Sirius left and frowned when he saw that there was still a nice long list of books that no one knew where were. Calling for the head house elf, he asked if the elves would be able to locate said books.

The elf frowned then said "These books might be in the come and go room. We house elves can't call for it, only those in true need may do so."

"Come and go room?" Sirius waited until the house elf left and then went to speak to Remus who said he had never heard of such a room. Same thing with Dora who said she would ask her mother that evening as she looked at her cousin then asked him about the Great Bathtub Race.

"I have to go tell a Hermione Granger and my godson what the headmaster has been up to, so I will fill you in later if I survive. Moony, do you know where the sofa is, I have been accused of removing it and didn't do it this time." Sirius replied as he exited the private quarters of his oldest friend well aware that he was about to face a whirlwind of emotions.

TBC


End file.
